Bigg Challenge
Melissa e-mailed us about a co-worker that she works with regularly on projects. Her co-worker is never in a good mood. In fact, she’s often downright unfriendly to everybody. Melissa tried taking a personal interest and killing her with kindness, but it didn’t matter. She wonders how to deal with this difficult co-worker.
Bigg Advice
Ah, the crabby co-worker with the hard exterior shell that you just can’t crack! It seems like every office has one. We’ll offer some suggestions, Melissa, but just remember you can’t change anybody but yourself.
You’ve tried being nice, but it hasn’t helped. Sometimes the nicer you are to people like this, the meaner they get. They’re like the bully that we all picture from our childhood days.
So don’t be afraid to stand up to the bully. One of two things will happen when you do – they’ll either be more of a bully or they’ll respect you for standing up for yourself.
So confront her directly, but don’t be in-her-face about it. There’s a good chance you’ll catch her off guard, because bullies aren’t used to being called out for being rude.
When she says something curt, just ask, “Have I done something to offend you?” You can expect one of two responses:
- She may say “Yes”.
That gives you the opportunity to follow up. Just ask, “I wasn’t aware I had offended you, what did I do?”Now at least you can have a conversation. She may get it off her chest and you might become one of the few people she treats well.
- She may say, “No, why?”
That will open the door for you to say something like, “By the tone of your voice, I just felt like I must have upset you.”In some cases, bullies have behaved this way for so long (and gotten away with it), they don’t even realize that they’re doing it. By bringing it to her attention, she might change her attitude toward you.
No matter what, Melissa, be sincere. Don’t worry about her attitude and don’t take it personally – it’s her problem, not yours.
Lower the bar
On the show, George shared some advice that he learned from one of his mentors. This mentor said he discovered early in his career that he wouldn’t like everybody with whom he worked. However, he worked hard to not dislike any of his co-workers.
So lower the bar! Try to find ways to not dislike her. For example, maybe she’s really good at what she does and you can respect her for that.
Thanks, Melissa for sharing your bigg challenge!
| If you have some tips for Melissa, share them with all of us! Comment below! |
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Our bigg quote today is by Anais Nin:
So don’t fret too much about your crabby co-worker. Plenty of people will melt like butter from the warmth of your personality.
Next time, in honor of Mother’s Day, we’ll talk about mom’s lasting legacy. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!
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I work with someone who sounds just like Melissa’s co-worker. I’ve tried everything from kindness to even the confrontation thing like you suggested. NOTHING worked. I think she is just a miserable person.
My crabby co-worker is my partner — or me! :)
Jen, some people really are a lost cause.
Susan…at least you admit it!
Thanks to you both for sharing.
How to Crack a Crabby Co-Worker…
Suggestions for working with someone who is difficult to work with….
What do you do if the “crab” is your boss?
Well that’s a tough one, Brian. We recommend you click on the link just above the responses headline to our show from yesterday titled “How to Offer Criticism Without Being Critical.” Although, you may be in the same pinch as Jen where your boss just doesn’t get it.
In that case, we recommend this post for your entertainment.
http://biggsuccess.com/2008/02/04/how-to-be-a-terrible-boss/
Sometimes you just have to move on!