Monthly Archives: June 2011

Why People Get Divorced, Raise Bad Children, and Go to Jail

compartmentalizing your life | BIGG SuccessMany people fail to recognize an important natural law. By failing to see it, their lives are more complicated. They compartmentalize it because they don’t understand:

Your life is a system.

On The BIGG Success Show awhile back, we talked about why the concept of work – life balance misses the mark. Looking at your life holistically – and understanding how the pieces work together – is one of the secrets of BIGG success:

Don’t separate, integrate. It’s the first step. The second is to find ways for your professional life to add value to your personal life and vice versa. That’s systems thinking!

On this subject of thinking of your life as a systems, we found a great post by Clayton Christensen on the Harvard Business Review blog entitled How Will You Measure Your Life? It’s a great piece which we highly recommend to you.

He applies management theories to questions about happiness at work and home. It’s extensive so we’ll hit on a few of the highlights below including an explanation of why people get divorced, raise bad children and go to jail.

Your decisions shape your strategy

Christensen says some of his college classmates come to class reunions “unhappy, divorced, and alienated from their children.” He says:

“I can guarantee you that not a single one of them graduated with the deliberate strategy of getting divorced and raising children who would become estranged from them.”

However, that has been the result for a significant number of his classmates. Why does this happen?

In many cases, it’s because there’s a disconnection between their strategies and their purpose. It stems from a misallocation of resources.

“Your decisions about allocating your personal time, energy, and talent ultimately shape your life’s strategy,” he proffers. If you allocate your resources in line with your purpose, your results will be in line with it.

Your actions are a mirror

As humans, we often seek instant gratification. This means we forsake activities with the greatest long-term payoff in favor of activities that yield immediate results.

For example, you could invest more time today and make more money. The feedback loop is immediate and tangible.

Or you could spend the same time with your family. You may not know for years if your investment had any impact. You may never really know.

The key is to focus on your actions instead of just the results. Your actions are a mirror. They reflect who you are and, more importantly, who you are trying to become. When you think about your actions today, do you like the reflection you see?

Live with purpose, on purpose

Keep your purpose constantly in your mind. BIGG success is life on your own terms. There are five elements of BIGG success – money, time, growth, work and play. Money and time are your two resources. As you consider allocation decisions, ask yourself:

If I choose to invest my precious resources in this thing / activity, will it move me closer to life on my own terms? Why?

Then ask yourself “Why?” again. And again. It may take 5 Why’s to get to the underlying reason for this allocation decision. Once you’ve arrived at this point, ask yourself:

Is there a better option? Brainstorm for possibilities keeping your purpose at the forefront.

This simple process helps you invest your precious resources intentionally, instead of inadvertently. It helps you live with purpose, on purpose. It helps you think about the long-term impact.

Staying out of jail

Two of Christensen’s 32 Rhodes scholar classmates have done prison time (one being Enron’s former CEO, Jeff Skilling). “These were good guys – but something in their lives sent them off in the wrong direction,” says Christensen.

He talks about the theory of marginal cost. The marginal cost of going against your values “just this once” often seems very low. However, crossing the line one time makes it easier to rationalize the next time. The full cost of this course can be devastating.

He concludes, “It’s easier to hold your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold them 98% of the time.” It also keeps you out of jail!

Image in this post from danisman

7 Tips to Listen Better for Your BIGG Success

listening to a conversation | BIGG SuccessAt most schools, you can take a class in speech communication. You’ll learn how to deliver a topic TO an audience.

The College of Communications at most universities are for journalists, advertisers and film makers. They’re all people wanting to communicate TO you.

You can take English to learn how to write. It’s important to be able to express your thoughts TO your readers.

So is it any wonder that, when many people hear the term “communication”, they think about getting their message out?

Yet communication is a two-way process. Where do you learn how to listen?

At BIGG Success, of course! Today, we’ll share 7 tips to listen better for your BIGG success:

Hear George & Mary-Lynn share these 7 tips on The BIGG Success Show podcast. Click a player to listen.

 
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Listen to The BIGG Success Show #711

Think effectiveness, not efficiency

Communication can never be efficient if it’s not effective. Important conversations deserve your complete attention.

Conversations occur between people. People are important. So every conversation is an important one.

So take a deep breath and relax a little before you begin a conversation.

If you simply know you don’t have time, just say so. It’s better to push off a conversation to a time when you can give it the attention it deserves.

Put away the distractions

Yes, we’re talking about your mobile device. Sorry to tell you this, but you can’t truly listen and text or search at the same time. At least we can’t.

But it’s not just mobile devices. You may have been working on something. It’s right there…right in front of you. You’re deep into it when someone approaches you to talk.

Acknowledge them. If you know you can find a stopping point, let them know it will be a few seconds, or a minute, or whatever you think.

If they can’t wait or you know it will be a while, see if you can agree to a later time.

But when you talk with them, physically set everything else aside so you can give them your undivided attention.

By the way, this is just as true for phone calls as it is in the flesh.

Stop the voices in your head

Do you ever form your response while the other person is talking? If you do, you’re human. If you do, you’re like us.

Stop it! Listen.

Force yourself to do it. It will be uncomfortable at first but eventually it will become a habit.

The sound of silence

We cringe at moments of silence [insert pause here]. But they’re not bad. [insert another pause here].

In fact, if you stop the voices in your head, you’ll need moments of silence. They’re the time to formulate your response.

By giving your brain time to process what you’ve heard, you’ll communicate more effectively and efficiently.

Be sincerely interested

Listening requires you to be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying. If you aren’t sincerely interested, and depending on the situation, you have at least three choices:

  • End the conversation

Hey, that’s not nice. But it’s nicer than feigning interest.

Because what do you do when your spouse…oops, we mean the person you’re talking with…ends their thought with a question?

Suddenly, the blood rushes to your head. Your heart starts beating faster. Your head is spinning…what are you going to do?

They’ll know you weren’t listening. Oh no!

  • Change the topic

A better choice may be to change the topic. Introduce something you are interested in or that’s more relevant. But look for cues about whether the person you’re talking with is interested as well.

  • Find a way to make it interesting

Listen is a verb. It implies action. So take action.

Inquire about something they said. Sometimes a conversation is much more interesting when you get below the surface.

Talk is cheap

Or so they say. And maybe they’re right.

Talk is an incredibly small part of communication.

Look for non-verbal cues. What do they convey?

Just make sure you don’t get so busy checking for non-verbal cues that you forget to maintain eye contact. If you do that with the wrong person, you may get slapped!

Understanding the importance of understanding

As an entrepreneurial leader, you must become a great communicator, if you aren’t already. It’s more important than ever in business today.

Dialog can occur without communication. Communication occurs at the point of understanding. When all the parties involved understand each other’s point-of-view, communication has occurred. It leads to BIGG success!

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file | podcast:
http://traffic.libsyn.com/biggsuccess/00711-062311.mp3

Image in this post from Murielle

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