How do you resolve conflict at work? Or in your personal life, for that matter? There are four ways to go about it:

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Go ahead. Get mad. Get it off your chest. You’ll feel better. Who cares about anyone else?

As you might guess, this is one way to handle conflict. But it’s not an effective way to resolve them.

Throw up

Okay, not in a literal sense. But you can spew negativity to anybody and everybody who will listen.

Oh, with one exception – you won’t talk with the person or persons who have it in their power to resolve the conflict.

Clam up

Don’t say a word. Just take it. Internalize everything. Deal with it. And feel your blood pressure rise along with the acid reflux.

This is another way to handle a conflict but not one that’s recommended.

We saw a great post by Megan Hustad on Fortune’s site. It explains how silence can cost you in another way. With jobs still hard to come by, she points out that a lot of people are afraid to rock the boat.

The irony is that you may be better off doing just that. She quotes Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

He says while workers feel clamming up increases their job security, the opposite is true. Job security is increased by dealing with conflicts at work in a way we haven’t yet talked about.

Step up

Deal with conflict directly but gingerly. Talk to the person or persons who can do something about it. Be the emotionally mature adult in the room of people we’ve discussed above.

People who resolve conflicts are just as valuable as people who find a resolution to any other problem. Demonstrate how valuable you are by tackling issues head on.

• Know the purpose of your conversation before you ask for it
  

  The critical point-of-view is that you are having a conversation, not a confrontation.
  

  As Grenny points out, you can show respect while being candid. You can be honest without being brutal. You can be assertive while being civil.
  

• Focus on fixing the problem, not the blame
  

  Explain the situation in a way that doesn’t make anyone defensive. One of the best ways to do this is to fix the blame on things, not people.
  

  Here’s a model: When X happened, people felt Y. For example, when the policy changed, people felt taken advantage of.
  

  Yeah, because another way of saying that is: You changed the policy. Now everyone thinks you’re a jerk who is out to screw them over.
  

  Would you get defensive if someone said that to you? Most people would. Who could blame you? So keep the conversation productive with the words you use.
  

• Practice, practice, practice before the actual conversation
  

  You can do it in a mirror while you’re putting on your makeup or shaving in the morning. Watch and listen while you do so you can make sure you’re conveying the message with the tone of your voice and your facial expressions.
  

  Find someone you can role play with. Simulate the environment as closely as possible. If you will be sitting, sit while you practice. If you will be standing, stand. You want to work on your body language while you rehearse.
  

If you don’t have any conflict, you’re probably not doing enough. Conflict is a healthy thing. Conflict is an opportunity.

But only if you step up. It will make you stand out from the crowd which leads to BIGG success!

What tip do you have for resolving a conflict?

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file | podcast:
http://traffic.libsyn.com/biggsuccess/00780-021012.mp3

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We’re always looking at models here at BIGG success. Recently, we’ve been thinking about our prehistoric ancestors.

Here’s the progression: BIGG success is life on your own terms. You own your life. You’re the entrepreneur in charge.

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Our ancestors had well-defined roles for their family business.

The men largely hunted. The women gathered. The children didn’t just play; they helped. They contributed. They learned about their future jobs.

Everyone was involved in the family business. And there was a genius to its organization.

Hunting

Hunting was a risky activity. If the right thing went wrong, you could pay the ultimate price – your life.

The returns were intermittent. Some days, there was a BIGG payoff. On other occasions, there was none.

But make no mistake – the payoffs had to come frequently enough for the family unit to survive.

When they came, the family feasted. When they didn’t, the family survived on the gathered items.

Gathering

Gathering was a low-risk activity. You may get hurt, but you weren’t likely to lose your life from it.

It yielded steady returns. These returns were a nice addition to the family feast when the hunt was successful. On days when there was no kill, the family could subsist for a period of time on what had been gathered.

Two types of income

Modern finance theory works much the same way. It suggests that investors should allocate a portion of their portfolio to riskless assets (i.e. treasuries).

For the rest of it, hold risky assets (e.g. stocks).

Like the family unit of the past, modern investors use this hunting-gathering mindset. Risky assets hunt for intermittent, high returns while the risk-free assets steadily gather income.

The rationale for this is to optimize your money stream. You earn more money given the risk by balancing your portfolio between the two types of assets.

It’s also a clue to optimize your money stream now.

4 strategies to optimize your money stream now

As we said before, BIGG success is about entrepreneuring your life. As the person in charge, you can use the hunter-gatherer model to optimize your money stream now.

Here are four ways you can do it:

• Keep your job and start a part-time business
  

  While holding down a job is not risk-free these days, it provides a steady money stream. It’s gathering. You do the work. You gather the income.
  

  In your spare time, start a business. It’s the hunting side. The income you make may be intermittent until you get established. But it will allow you to feast once it takes off!
  

• Build a portfolio career as a business
  

  This is a ramped-up version of the first one. It seems to work particularly well for people in mid-career and beyond.
  

  Instead of trading time for money as you would with a job, turn your expertise or talent into a business.
  

  Instead of only having one customer (your employer), build a business with multiple clients.
  

  Just be sure to not just sell time for money. Sure, it’s a career but why not think BIGG and build a business, too!
  

• Start a business full-time while your spouse holds down a down
  

  Another alternative if you have a supportive spouse is to start a business full-time now. Your spouse can provide the steady income from his or her job.
  

  This is how many couples get started in business. Once the business takes off, the other spouse can work in the business too or start their own.
  

• Do one of the above and invest in businesses
  

  This is the BIGG play. Combine this strategy with one of the others to put your progress on steroids.
  

  Money and time are two of the five elements of BIGG success. They are your two resources.
  

  You only have so much time. You can leverage your time with money.
  

  Instead of working a business yourself, invest in one with someone who does the work. Get your money working as hard as you do. That’s BIGG success.
  

Want to optimize your money stream but aren’t sure where to start?
Maybe we can help!

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file | podcast:
http://traffic.libsyn.com/biggsuccess/00779-020812.mp3

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With the Super Bowl coming up this weekend, we’re thinking about winners and losers.

We talked with a two-time Super Bowl champ, Howard Griffith, on the show a while back. You can hear what it takes to be a winner straight from the source!

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We’ve all seen them.
They seem destined to succeed.
They look the part.
They have people who believe in them.
People who say they are the next BIGG thing.

But success never comes.
Why do they fail to be a success?
How can you increase your odds of being a BIGG success?

You have to have to will the win.
Almost everyone thinks they have it.
But let’s dive into this a little further.

Do you have a hunger for BIGG success that can’t be satiated?
It’s a force inside you.
It constantly drives you.
It presses you to boldly go to places you’ve never gone before.
It pushes you out on a ledge without a safety net.
Then you’re a winner!

Are you consumed by this desire to succeed in a BIGG way?
You think about it all day, every day – from the minute you wake up because you have to get going, to the time you can’t get to sleep because there’s still so much you want to accomplish.
Then you’re a winner!

Do you have to do it, do you just have to be a BIGG success?
You cannot accept not winning.
You cannot accept some modicum of success.
You need BIGG success!
You need to stand out in the crowd.
You need to get through the noise.
You need to win BIGG!
Nothing less is acceptable.

How do you know if you have this winner’s mindset? Ask yourself two questions.

How do you handle adversity?

When things don’t go your way, when you appear to be losing, what do you do?

Because you have a choice to make.

• Option 1: Beat yourself up
  

  Start a dialog inside your head, or even out loud, about what you don’t know, who you don’t know.
  

  Tell yourself you’re not good enough, you don’t have what it takes to be a success.
  

  Watch the conversation quickly spiral downward. Look at people you know who have succeeded. Get jealous. Tell yourself how easy they have it.
  

  People like them; they don’t like you.
  

  And then just give up. Stop trying. Quit. This is one way you could go. It’s the loser’s way.
  

• Option 2: Double down
  

  But you’re a winner! So when you run into an obstacle, you will double down. You will reach deep within yourself to find a reserve of strength you didn’t even know you had.
  

  You will use this strength to get back up. You will huddle up with key people in your life. You will talk to your coach to see how to adapt.
  

  Then you will run another play. You will keep pushing for the end zone. Play after play, you’ll seek to find your best self. You’ll give everything you have to compete for the BIGG win.
  

The 2^nd question to ask to know if you have the winner’s mind is the second side of the coin.

How do you handle success?

When momentum swings your way, what do you do?

Again you have a choice to make.

• Option 1: Playing not to lose
  

  You can start playing to not lose. This isn’t a conscious decision; it’s a sub-conscious reaction.
  

  You start playing it safe. You stop making the aggressive plays it took to get momentum on your side.
  

  You let fear drive you.
  

  “Oh-my-gosh, I’m doing it! I’m winning! Wow! I had hoped for this, but I wasn’t really expecting it.”
  

  And guess what happens?
  

  Before you know it, you’ve lost the momentum you worked so hard to gain. It’s even harder to get back. You end up losing the game.
  

• Push even harder
  

  But you’re a winner! When success comes your way, you will push even harder.
  

  You have the eye of the tiger, that killer instinct.
  

  You will keep playing aggressively because you know you will win. It’s only a matter a time before you win the game. That’s BIGG success!
  

If you were inspired by today’s show, please share it with your friends and followers.

Thanks so much! Until next time, here’s to your BIGG success!

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file | podcast:
http://traffic.libsyn.com/biggsuccess/00778-020212.mp3

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Saturday Night Live recently mocked the entitlement paradigm with a bit called You Can Do Anything. It’s about a talk show where the guests are encouraged to do whatever they think they can do.

No matter how good they are.
No matter if they’ve ever done it before.
It doesn’t matter.
You can do anything!

We agree.
You can do anything.
You may not do it well.
You may fall flat on your face.
You may fail.

With a little practice, you will surely get better at it.
With a lot of practice, you may even achieve some level of success.

But you won’t reach BIGG success. So “You Can Do Anything” is the worst advice you can ever receive.

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___

I wanted to be an astronaut. But math and science were not strength. My mom said to me, “Math and science are going to be really important if you want to be an astronaut.” That was really important to me. I realized how much work it was going to take for me to be an astronaut.

Look at American Idol. The people who reach the finals, and ultimately win, have spent years honing their craft. They may be young, but most of the time, they’ve been singing for ten or more years.

Now we’re all about positive thinking. But sometimes the best thing you can discover is what you can’t do.

___

I was a decent athlete in a much earlier era of my life. But the problem is I played all sports – football, basketball, baseball. Now, I was never going to be a great basketball player. But I could have been a much better baseball player if I had been forced to focus.

Look at Michael Jordan. In our opinion, he’s the greatest basketball player of all time. He’s also a pretty good golfer. But he tried baseball and didn’t make it.

Which raises the question – will you be content with success?
Or is it BIGG success you’re after?

We can only conclude the latter since you’re here with us.
So you’re a BIGG goal-getter.

Step 1

To reach BIGG success, follow George Costanza’s example. Instead of following the advice we hear all the time – think “can” – do the opposite and think “can’t”.

That’s Step 1: to find your talent.

Sometimes it pays to think about you can’t do. Because you may find it easier to spot your shortcomings than your strengths. But you’re not going to stop there!

Step 2

You’re going to quickly move to Step 2: Think the opposite. You’re not a detail person? Okay. Are you a BIGG picture thinker?

Not good at math? Are you good at English?

This is what you often see. There’s a yin and yang to talent. We tend to naturally fall into categories.

Discovering what you can’t do often helps you discover what you can do. And leads to BIGG success.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file | podcast:
http://traffic.libsyn.com/biggsuccess/00777-011312.mp3

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On The BIGG Success Show today, we wrapped up our conversation with Les McKeown about his new fantastic new book, The Synergist. Les started over 40 companies before launching Predictable Success, a business education and consulting company that helps organizations of all sizes – from small businesses to Fortune 100 companies.

Last time, we talked about why you need to adopt the Synergist style in your business and why everyone needs to take a synergistic approach when dealing with their co-workers.

Click a player to hear Les talk with George & Mary-Lynn on The BIGG Success Show Podcast.

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• what it means if you’re a combination of personalities
  
• the dominant and secondary type which is very rare
  
• why many people with this combo become consultants
  
• how to tell if you are a natural Synergist
  
• why the Synergist helps you make decisions more efficiently
  
• how to learn to adopt the Synergist style in your organization
  
• the mechanical issues that each personality type needs to address
  
• why some businesses only need two of the four personality types
  

Are you a Visionary, an Operator, a Processor, or a Synergist? Les has a free personality quiz to help you find out. Check it out today!

We thank Les for the generous gift of his time and wisdom. And thank you for listening to this series.

Until next time, here’s to your BIGG success!

Hear more in this series
Les McKeown on The Synergist – Part 1
Les McKeown on The Synergist – Part 2

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file | podcast:
http://traffic.libsyn.com/biggsuccess/00776-012612.mp3