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How Dual Income Couples are Bucking Traditional Roles

man_womanThe Council on Contemporary Families published a summary of previous studies, looking at data over 30 to 40 years. Here are some highlights:

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1. Men’s share of household duties doubled as a percent of the total over last 40 years, from 15 percent to 30 percent of the total. The number of hours women spend on these same duties has declined over that period.

2. The younger the couple, the higher the share of household duties performed by the man.

3. Time spent caring for children tripled for men and doubled for women over the same period. Couples are placing much more emphasis on spending time with their kids than they did 30 years ago.

4. The longer a woman works outside the home, the greater the percentage of household responsibilities assumed by the man of the house.

5. Men are working less and spending more time on family duties. Women are trending in the opposite direction.

6. When the woman of the house works more hours, earns more money, or has more education than the man, the man’s share of family duties increases.

7. About one of out three couples now has a woman who earns more than the man.

They pointed out that there had been an expectation of immediate change when women started working. That didn’t happen to the disappointment of many! However, over the span of a few decades, things have changed quite a bit and they predict this trend is here to stay!

The bigg payoff

Couples are redefining what it means to be the man or the woman, the father or the mother, in a relationship. This summary shows that the divorce rate is lower when couples divide up the duties more equally. In fact, it’s even lower than with the traditional relationship where one person is the breadwinner and the other person runs the house.

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georgeMary-Lynn and I both grew up in a traditional family that stayed together. But we’re pretty non-traditional.

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marylynnYeah, I remember that my mom was always in the kitchen. I determined long ago that wasn’t for me! She kept telling me “you’re going to have to learn how to cook, what are you going to do when you are out on your own?” I told her I would just meet a guy who knew how to cook and marry him. And that guy is George! And let me just add…he’s an AWESOME cook!!!
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Roles are getting redefined so don’t listen to what other people say. If it works for you, your spouse, and your family … it works!

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This week, our newsletter subscribers received a great article about how to get more flexibility at work so you can have more time at home. You can get it, too, click this link to subscribe to the Bigg Success Weekly.

Until next time, here’s to your bigg success!

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Are They Hearing What You Are Saying?

On the show, George recalled a teacher who made him write a report on what he wanted to be when he grew up. This was junior high; George didn’t know what he wanted to be. Maybe a major league baseball player?

So he did his report on being a bricklayer. His dad was a bricklayer, with his own business. When his teacher saw the title of his report, she said, “You mean with your brain, you’re going to be a bricklayer?”

George could have taken that comment as an insult about his dad. But his dad was good with his hands and his head. He said he did initially think that he wouldn’t get a good grade. But over time, her comment resonated with him. It helped him, as a young person, be more confident in his mental ability.

4 ways to get a message across
The statement and the delivery are both important parts of communicating a message. You can’t necessarily control what your message is, but you can control how you deliver it.

#1 – Negative statement, negative delivery
Without question, this is the worst way to communicate a message. If someone says something negative to you, in a negative way, they lose a lot. You’re not going to feel better. The relationship won’t be enhanced. You may get defensive or even angry.

"Speak when you are angry – and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
Dr. Laurence Peter


#2 – Negative statement, positive delivery

Sometimes the message isn’t positive, but we still need to get the message across. How you say it becomes incredibly important. A good example might be Donald Trump on The Apprentice. He’s said things like, “I love you; I think you’re a great guy, but you’re fired.”

Negative messages have to be delivered. However, you can choose to frame them in a positive way.

#3 – Positive statement, negative delivery
You risk diminishing the real message you’re trying to get across when you have negative overtures. George took away a positive from his teacher’s comment, but he could have just been insulted. 

#4 – Positive statement, positive delivery
Obviously, this is how you want to frame as much of your communication as you possibly can. This draws people to you.

How you respond to messages
You also can control how you respond to other people’s messages, no matter how they deliver it. Let’s take the worst one. Someone may hit you with a negative statement and deliver it in a negative way.

Pause before you respond. The conversation can go into a tailspin and be completely unproductive or you may be able to turn it around with the right response.

And we can be inspired, no matter what the message is or how it’s delivered. We have a friend who remembers being told that he was too small to make the high school football team. That “negative, negative” inspired him to go for it. Not only did he make the team, but he was a starter!

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Dadmiration: Things We Admire About Our Dads

Since Father’s Day is Sunday, we thought we’d share some “dadmirations” and give you the opportunity to do the same.

“Any man can be a father, it takes someone special to be a dad.”
 – Author unknown

Here are three things we each admire about our dads:


Mary-Lynn

Dad’s love for my mom.
Toward the end of her life, mom was very sick. Dad would go to work, drive to the hospital (which was about 45 minutes away) to be with mom after work, and then go home and get ready to go back to work. Dad was always there for mom.

Dad gives respects and gets it in return.

Before he retired, he worked for the Department of Corrections, as a prison guard and then a Captain. Dad was respected by his co-workers. He was also respected by the prisoners. When there was an issue with an inmate, dad was often the one who they called in to calm things down.

Dad encouraged me, but let me make my own mistakes.
I remember one time I was hanging out with a crowd that wasn’t exactly a group of high-achievers. I finally realized that I needed to move on from this group. I discussed it with my dad, who told me he was proud of my decision. Then he said,

“You can’t fly like an eagle if you hang with turkeys.”

George

Dad’s love of family time.
I remember sitting in the living room with dad. The rest of the family was dispersed throughout their house. I can still see dad sitting in his recliner with that “cat that got the mouse grin on his face.” He said, “I just love it when the whole family is together.”

Dad’s pride in his workmanship.
My dad was a bricklayer. I worked for him when I was in high school. By noon one day, we were almost finished with one particular job. He decided to break for lunch. When we came back, dad spotted a brick that he said was “upside down.” It was the second brick he had laid that morning. Dad ripped them all out and started over.

Dad gave everything he had to everything he did.
He expected the same from me. One day, he was pitching the baseball to me. He got frustrated because I wasn’t hitting the ball like he knew I could.

“Swing like you mean it,” he said.

Well, on his next pitch, I did just that. The ball rocketed right back at him, hit him on his shin, and knocked his feet right out from under him.

As he got up, he looked at me and said, “Now, that’s what I’m talking about.”

George’s unforgettable breakfast with his dad

One Monday morning, I walked into my office at about 7:30. We were coming off our busiest month of the year. I had been away from the office a lot and was excited about getting caught up in the office.

Within a few minutes, my dad dropped by and said that he had a meeting at 9 and wondered if I’d like to grab some breakfast before then.

I told him I had so much work to catch up on … that I better pass. He said, “Okay.” and asked if he could use my copier. I said, “Sure” and started working, but this little voice in my head said,

“Why in the world can’t you take the time to go have breakfast with your dad?”

So I went up and said, “Hey, dad, I will take you up on that breakfast offer.” That made him happy. We went out to breakfast and I don’t remember another thing about it.

But that was the last time I saw my dad before he passed away. I’m so glad that I took the opportunity that was made available to me. 

So tell us … what do you admire about your dad? Share your dadmirations by leaving a Comment below.

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