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I Just Got Laid Off – Part 1

work This is the start of a three-part series on what to do if you get laid off. On the show today, we discuss what to do today before you leave the building. Over the next couple of weeks, we’ll discuss Part 2 – what to do in the next couple of days and then move to Part 3: moving on – going for your next job. So please check back in!

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Getting laid off is one of the most stressful events anyone goes through. So before we get into details, take a deep breath. You can expect to feel a whole range of emotions, even if you weren’t completely surprised. It’s a grieving process. Psychologists have identified five stages that we go through when we lose something or someone:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

These stages don’t necessarily happen in sequence. You may feel more than one at the same time. You may jump around. You will feel it how you feel it. What’s important is to understand what’s going on within you. It’s only natural.

Your job may have been taken from you, but your talents haven’t been

Your unique skills are still yours. You still have that great personality. You’re still an incredible person. And you know it!

With that mindset, and knowing that you will bounce back, here are some things to do, and things not to do, before you leave the building today.

Don’t burn bridges

Life is funny. Things change quickly. If you show class, it will be remembered. So filter what you say.

There may be a temptation to lash out. Resist that urge, because nothing good can come from it. Sure, you may feel better at the moment, but that feeling will quickly fade into regret. It’s much better to conduct yourself very professionally.

COBRA

You will have to decide whether or not to extend your health insurance with the company. But you have 60 days to make this decision so don’t make it today. Talk to two or three insurance brokers who sell individual insurance. In almost all cases, you will find that you can get similar coverage for less money.

If you have one or more pre-existing conditions, it might make sense to sign up through COBRA. But first, check out comparable policies with several insurance brokers and get their advice.

Your 401(k)

Here’s another decision you don’t have to make today. In fact, there really isn’t much of a time limit on making this decision. A lot of people still have money in an account through an employer they haven’t worked for in seven years!

Resist the urge to cash out. You may feel stressed about money. We’ll talk about that more in an upcoming show. The Wall Street Journal reported that 40% of workers in their 20s and 30s cashed out their 401(k) when they changed jobs. As we discussed this on a previous Bigg Success Show, this may be a costly decision.

Before you decide what to do with your 401(k), you’ll want to investigate your options. Find a plan that offers the right combination of options and low fees. One thing you should find out, when the subject of your 401(k) comes up, is if there are any exit fees. This will be useful in your decision making process.

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Your final paycheck

If you get your final check today, be sure to verify everything. For example:

  • Were you paid the correct amount for the time you’ve worked since your last check?
  • Did you get the severance pay that you should have?
  • Were you paid for the vacation days you haven’t used?
  • Is everything in accordance with your agreement with your employer?

Other issues

You may be asked to sign releases and other documents. You don’t have to sign anything right away. Read the documents carefully. If you don’t understand something, ask. If you’re not satisfied with the answer, seek professional guidance from an attorney if need be.

Reach out

Finally, if you can muster the emotional strength, reach out to the people you worked with. Make sure you have their contact information. You never know when it might come in handy.

Thanks for reading our post today. We hope you’ll check in again tomorrow. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

 

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00324-020509.mp3

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Coping With Life Change

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Is E-Mail Diluting Your Message?

communicate Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at UCLA, is the author of Silent Messages. This book discusses his legendary research into the relative importance of verbal and non-verbal communication.

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Mehrabian’s rule

When you’re trying to communicate emotions, think about the three V’s: verbal, vocal, and visual. They are the three parts of what has become known as Mehrabian’s Rule – 7% of your message is given verbally (the words you use), 38% comes vocally (the tone you use), and 55% is delivered visually (your facial expressions and body language).

We see from his research that, when we’re trying to convey feelings or attitudes, the overwhelming majority of the message comes through non-verbally. If the verbal and non-verbal don’t agree, people will rely on the non-verbal.

Choosing your medium

Therefore, understanding the three V’s of communication helps you prevent misunderstanding. If the recipient of your message can’t hear and see you say the words, your message may get diluted.

E-mail is convenient, but it can be easily misunderstood because it’s only words. What about text messages?

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marylynnA friend of mine told me that her husband’s ex-wife texts her husband about problems with their kids. My friend gets frustrated after several rounds of nothing getting solved. She says she tells him to just call his ex-wife.

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So choose your medium carefully if you’re trying to convey feelings or attitudes. Some media only use one part of the communication trio, and a very minor one at that!

If you’re just relaying facts, e-mail is fine. If you want to express more than that, your message may get diluted. A phone call enriches the conversation because you bring in the voice. And while it’s not always possible to meet face-to-face, it is your best bet for your most sensitive communication.

Speaking of which …

Let’s apply this to a presentation, whether your audience is one or many. How you say what you say, and what you do when you say it, are actually more important, in getting your message across, than what you say.

What?

It’s hard to explain this in just words. Hey, that illustrates our point!

You can say, “I’m excited.” If you say it with enthusiasm in your voice while standing straight up, your audience will believe you. If you say it like Droopy says, “I’m happy” and slouch while you’re saying it, your audience may doubt you.

People remember the impression more than the words. So if you want to connect with an audience, it’s important to practice your inflections and your gestures to make sure they’re congruent with your words.

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We really appreciate you reading our post today. If you listened to our show, you could’ve heard our appreciation in our voices! Join us next time when we get a visit from a very special guest – Santa Claus. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

 

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00289-121808.mp3

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Don’t Show Me the Money

wallet The List Universe recently published their list of ten lost rules of etiquette. The one that really got our attention was their #1 reason – talking about money and possessions.

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When it comes to money, the author says that a gentleman would never:

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Your Emotions and Your Money

expert-session_joan We’ve all witnessed the ups and downs of the stock market. Recently, it seems there have been more “downs” than “ups.” There are a number of ways to respond. We’ve heard from many people that they’re afraid to open their quarterly statements.

In another Bigg Success Show Expert Session, we talked with Joan Sotkin. Joan is the creator of the popular web site Prosperity Place and the author of the award-winning book, Build Your Money Muscles. Joan has been helping people understand and improve their relationship with money for over 25 years.

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5 Feelings People Associate with Money

Joan has an interesting take on money. She says that the emotions you bring to your money – those underlying feelings you have – greatly impact how you manage your money.

During our Expert Session, Joan told us about the five major feelings that people associate with their money: 

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joanWhat you bring to your numbers is based on who you are – how you think, what you believe, and how you feel. In my book, I identify the five major feelings that people act out through their money – anger, shame, deprivation, a sense of being trapped, and a sense of aloneness. One of the main feelings people act out with their money is their sense of aloneness. “I can’t run out of money; I can only run out of people, because money is always attached to people. So if I owe you money, you won’t forget about me.”

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We found this very interesting. Owing someone money may enter our minds as a good thing, because it means we have a relationship.

Another thing we like about the Expert Session is Joan goes into the feelings about retirement plans. She digs in deeper to explore feelings of anger and fear.  

Why more money may bring more struggles

A lot of people find that the more money they make, the more difficulties they have. Why is this? Here’s what Joan says:

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joanThere are nine exercises in my book. I start with turning the toilet paper around in a new direction so you can get used to changing. People have to adapt to the process of change because it’s very uncomfortable. When you change, you go through a period of disorientation. When you move from one house to another house you want to be in, stupid things happen. You don’t where anything is. You lose your keys or your wallet. You bump into walls. I call those the “moving stupids.” When you start changing how you “be” in the world – when you start responding differently to things – your life is going to change. That gets uncomfortable. I spoke to someone the other day who said, “I’m just at that place again. Every time I start making more money, something happens and I get back to the same old point again.” Because you have to learn how to deal with more money. It feels different. It’s amazing how much feeling comes with money — $10,000 feels different than $1,000. It’s that disorientation of change that makes people give up what they’re doing and go back to their old ways of doing things.

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Even before this financial turmoil we’re going through kicked in, we read that there is the psychological profession is experiencing growth helping people understand the psychology behind their money decisions. We applaud Joan for being ahead of her time, because she’s been looking at this for years!

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We dig even deeper in our Bigg Success Show Expert Session
called
Finding Peace in Financial Chaos.

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In addition to what we’ve already discussed, Joan talks about how your financial identity and the vocabulary you use affect your results. You’ll also learn how to connect to your feelings so you manage your money better. And there’s so much more in the forty minute discussion in one easy-to-download track!

Next time, we’ll talk about time vampires. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

 

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00251-102708.mp3

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Strategies for Becoming More Confident

By Bigg Success Staff
09-11-08

Life Skills

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The difference between those who are successful and those who succeed bigg is confidence. Elite athletes and those who are peak performers in their career have high self-confidence.

Here are some of the techniques they use to be at the top of their game:

Practice Consistently

The only way to be ready to "step up" is to put in the work. When the game is on the line, the Yankees are always happy to see Derek Jeter at the plate. When the pressure is on, Derek shines. Experience, along with countless hours of practice, allows us to master our craft and perform confidently.

Disregard Doubt

If we focus on what we can do, rather than what we cannot do, we can overcome self-doubt. Where is the benefit of worrying about the unknown? Winners push down feelings of doubt, by focusing what they know they can do to finish the task at hand.

Try Harder

If we label a defeat as a "failure", we are telling ourselves we lack ability and count ourselves out. Confident people never admit to defeat or feel defeated. They just try harder to achieve their goal next time. They look for ways to improve their effort through preparation, concentration, skill execution, or other factors.

Play to Win

When we play not to lose, our focus is negative and reactive. When we play to win, we aren't afraid to take chances and take control.

Manage Emotions

When we face adversity without confidence, we tend to get angry, upset, depressed, or pessimistic. When things don't go our way and we are confident, we don't get emotional, we don't give up, and we find a way to overcome the situation.

Success Breeds Confidence

Bring more success your way, by recalling your past successes. Remember your accomplishments and that feeling of success. Remind yourself that you can do it!

Find Success

Confident people recognize their accomplishments on a consistent basis. They set small achievable goals along with bigg ones. They structure success into their daily lives by setting and accomplishing meaningful, attainable goals.

Success Networks

Confident people reach out for help to get to where they want to be. If you want to learn how to do something, find someone who is successfully doing it and learn from them.

Success Talk

Confident people say the words "I can" and "I will".  Their self talk is never doubting and negative, but rather instructional and motivational.

Look Successful

Act confident to feel confident, even if things aren't going your way. Confident people always stand up straight, walk with a bounce in their step, and keep a smile on their face. Acting confident helps you feel confident which makes you look confident. 

*Improve your self-confidence by identifying your abilities and positive attributes. Complete the Finding Your Self-Confidence worksheet.

Hear today’s lesson and laugh on The Bigg Success Show

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