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When Life on Your Own Terms Creates Conflict

problematic.jpgBigg success is life on your own terms. We recently talked about how empowering it is to define your terms.

We got a great comment by Andrew R. Timms about this. He says, “… just because we decide on our terms doesn’t mean the rest of the world is going to agree or accept them.”___

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Andrew raises a very good point. It’s something we need to keep in mind as we seek bigg success

What do you do if life on your own terms creates conflict with the people around you?

Andrew goes on to say that, in some cases, a person may think that your terms are keeping them from living their life on their terms. He suggests that we assume that they’re right! Then we’re at least common ground. Now with that in mind, we can explore solutions that work for both of us.

That’s an excellent suggestion. It’s Stephen Covey’s “Seek first to understand.” We have a personal example of this.

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marylynnBefore we were married, we both talked about our career goals. I was in radio and life on my own terms meant growing as a broadcaster and sharing my talent with more and more people. That meant moving to a larger market.

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georgeI was in business for myself and teaching part-time at our local University. I loved what I did, but my businesses were here as was my part-time gig. Life on my own terms meant growing without moving.

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marylynnThese weren’t the only factors at play, but they were definitely part of the equation.

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george
So we had conflicting terms and we started looking for solutions.

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marylynnThat’s when the idea for Bigg Success came up. It allowed me to broadcast to the largest audience I could imagine – the whole world!

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georgeIt allowed me to expand my business without moving. The conflict forced us to work together to find a solution. Because of that, we both found a better opportunity than we would have had otherwise. That’s synergy!

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What if you can’t find common ground?

We were able to find a solution that allowed both of us to live our lives on our own terms. But what if we weren’t able to do that?

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marylynn

Let’s say I was determined to stick with radio.

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georgeEarlier, we alluded to the fact that there were other factors at play in how we got to Bigg Success. And Mary-Lynn, I think what you saw in the future of radio is one of those factors.

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marylynnYeah, the industry was, and is, going through some significant changes. I felt like there was a lot less opportunity for me to really grow like I wanted to, if I stayed in the business. But let’s pretend that wasn’t the case. I would have had to move for my next bigg opportunity and, George, that would have meant a long-distance relationship for us.

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Life on your own terms isn’t idyllic

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georgeNow that’s not how either of us defines life on our own terms. But there’s an important point to understand here – life on your own terms isn’t idyllic. It involves setting priorities. A long-distance relationship may not be consistent with life on my own terms. But I’d rather do that than not have a relationship with you at all, Mary-Lynn.

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marylynnWe’d both be living life on our own terms, career-wise, but obviously not the way we would prefer in our personal lives. Sometimes you can’t have it all and you just have to accept that.

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It’s a timing problem

But here’s the key – we may have to accept it for now. In the meantime, we keep looking for solutions and opportunities that get us to our ideal life, to life on our own terms. In most cases, it’s a timing problem, not something we have to accept for our whole lives.

We’re talking about the closest of relationships here, the relationships on which you place the highest priority. In other relationships, the dynamic may change as a result of living your life on your own terms. You’re willing to accept that because you know you’re headed for bigg success!

What do you do when your terms conflict with others?

You can share that with us by leaving a comment below, calling us at 888.455.BIGG or sending us an e-mail at bigginfo@biggsuccess.com. Thanks Andrew for your thoughtful comment. And thank you for reading our post today.

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Would you like more tips and tools to live your life on your own terms?
Subscribe to the Bigg Success Weekly – it’s FREE!

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Join us next time as we help a member of our community who’s looking to get back into the workforce after an extended time off.

Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00368-040809.mp3

Related posts

Own Your Life

The Power of Defining Your Terms

The 5 Elements of Bigg Success

(Image in today's post by woodsy)

What is Bigg Success?

life on your own terms When you study anything, it’s important to understand the definitions. So today, we’re happy to announce that we have refined the definition for bigg success:

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Bigg success is life on your own terms.

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marylynnI just love that because it is so empowering. Who else can tell us how to live our lives?

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georgeIt’s not about money or material possessions. Or it can be. It’s not judgmental. If it works for you, it works!

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Your terms, not others

We don’t always live our lives on our own terms. We live by the terms set by others.

Our families and friends, with all good intentions, have their thoughts about how we should live.

Society sets expectations of us. Hollywood and Madison Avenue paint a picture of how our lives should look. Teachers, bosses and others guide us to the life they want us to live.

Sometimes we even place demands upon ourselves that aren’t congruent with what we really want.

Taking charge

Enough is enough. We must take our lives back. We must claim the most precious gifts that we have been given.

To choose who we are and who we become.

To live the life we dream of living.

To find our path to happiness without regard for what others think.

To feel in control no matter what situation we face.

When we feel that we have power over our own lives, we can relish in every moment even if things aren’t going exactly as planned.

Not a selfish endeavor

Life on your own terms sounds selfish, but it’s not. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

It means figuring out how to get from where you are now to where you want to be for the benefit of yourself and the people you care about.

How we’re doing it

We understand this definition well because we’re living it.

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marylynnI worked in the corporate world. I had outgrown the place where I was working and I didn’t want to move for two reasons: I was engaged to George and the industry I worked in was experiencing troubles so I thought a move would be risky.

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georgeI’ve been a passionate business owner for years and teach entrepreneurship at our local University. I saw the internet as a great place for learning and a way to combine those two passions. I also have a passion for a certain young lady named Mary-Lynn and working together seemed like a slam dunk!

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So we created an opportunity for ourselves – Bigg Success – to be partners both personally and professionally. It works for us, but it doesn’t work for everyone. It’s how we’re living life on our own terms.

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Would you like more tips and tools to live your life on your own terms?
Subscribe to the Bigg Success Weekly – it’s FREE!

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People in transformation

We’ve designed Bigg Success to be the place for goal-gettin’ go-getters … bigg goal-getters as we like to call you. That’s the reason for the second “g” in Bigg!

Bigg goal-getters don’t just talk the talk. We also walk the walk. Because we’re positive thinking, fun-loving people.

We’re people in transformation. Usually happy, but never content. Always striving to grow. Always looking to expand. Always in search of our next bigg opportunity.

So from two bigg goal-getter to another, welcome to Bigg Success! We look forward to getting to know you better. To growing together. To seeing you reach your bigg goals while we attain ours.

Reach bigg success in your life even faster

Bigg success is, and always will be, a developing concept. That’s the nature of bigg success!

It’s still about personal and professional development. We think by defining bigg success the way we have, we can have a richer conversation.

We will discover new things which we’ll share with you. We hope you will share your knowledge with us and the entire Bigg Success community.

Because all of us know more than any of us.

Start by telling us what life on your own terms means to you.

You can share that with a comment below, by calling us at 888.455.BIGG or by e-mailing us at bigginfo@biggsuccess.com

When you share, whether by writing it or speaking it, you get the ideas out of your head. So you learn and so will everyone else in the community.

By all of us sharing, we learn from each other so we all reach bigg success in our own lives even faster!

Thanks so much for reading our post today.

You’ve probably heard of Brand You. You may have heard that you’re the CEO of your own life. We don’t think either one is correct. Join us next time as we dive deeper into the definition of bigg success to find out why.

Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00356-032309.mp3

Related Posts

Own Your Life

The Power of Defining Your Terms

The 5 Elements of Bigg Success

The Bigg Idea Behind Bigg Success

This Word Helps You Keep Your Resolutions

no We found a list of the thirteen most popular New Year’s resolutions. It’s a great page full of links to tips on how to keep them.

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The list itself doesn’t contain any real surprises:

  • lose weight
  • manage debt
  • save money
  • get a better job
  • get fit
  • eat right
  • get a better education
  • drink less alcohol
  • quit smoking now
  • reduce stress overall
  • reduce stress at work
  • take a trip
  • volunteer to help others

As we discussed this list, we realized that there is one word that can often make all the difference in keeping our resolutions.

That word is … No!

You can’t keep putting yourself, or your goals, on the back burner and expect anything to change. You have to say, “No!”

Say no to everything that doesn’t help you achieve your goals.

Say no and get fit

For example, assume your resolution is to “Get fit.” Depending on your commute to your preferred fitness center, it will take at least an hour every time you work out.

But it’s really important to you so you’re going to make time to do it.

Then a co-worker or a friend asks you to serve on a committee or join a club that has weekly meetings. Just say No!

Your “No” doesn’t have to be forever. It just has to be for right now while you fit (pun intended) exercise in your daily routine. Once you’ve made it a habit, then you can consider something else.

Say no and get out of debt

Another common resolution is to “Manage debt.” Of course, the first step is to stop getting further in debt.

Since this is really important to you, you’ll find ways to control your spending.

Two common things that hurt our budgets are major purchases and daily decisions. Get in the habit of saying no to things you don’t need so you stop getting further in debt and save money to pay your debt down.

No – it’s a negative word that will positively help you reach your goals!

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Would you like help setting strong, achievable goals? Get our FREE Goal Planning Workbook when you subscribe to our FREE weekly newsletter. That’s something you’ll want to say “Yes” to!

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We really appreciate you checking in on us today. Next week, we’ll look at what’s hot in 2009. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00300-010208.mp3

Related posts

Don’t Just Make New Year’s Resolutions, Get Them

How Do You Define Success?

(Image in today's post by Cieleke)

Keep Your Resolutions In Your Face

new_year Here we are in a New Year with many of us clinging tight to our New Year’s resolutions. We found a poem by Herbert Kaufman that is perfect for this time of year:

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You are the man who used to boast
That you’d achieve the uttermost,
Some day.

You are the man who used to boast
That you’d achieve the uttermost,
Some day.

You merely wished a show,
To demonstrate how much you know
And prove the distance you can go …

Another year we’ve just passed through.
What new ideas came to you?
How many big things did you do?

Time … left twelve fresh months in your care
How many of them did you share
With opportunity and dare
Again where you so often missed?

We do not find you on the list of Makers Good.
Explain the fact!
Ah no, ‘twas not the chance you lacked!
As usual – you failed to act!

A putdown or a kick in the seat?

It sounds kind of negative doesn’t it? We shouldn’t see it that way. We should view it as a kick in the seat. If you feel like you missed out on some opportunities this year, ask yourself why. Is it because you failed to act?

We all begin each year with a precious inventory of time. It’s up to us to make the most of it before it’s gone. Many people set New Year’s resolutions. Most soon forget them.

Bigg goal-getters understand that setting bigg goals for yourself isn’t good enough. It’s may be only one percent of being able to live the life you want. You have to take action!

Keep your resolutions in your face to keep your resolutions

We have a friend who has a great method to make sure he keeps his resolutions top-of-mind. He writes three or four goals for the upcoming year on a small card.

He laminates three copies of that card. He tapes one on his bathroom mirror so he sees his list every morning when he’s shaving. He puts another on the rear-view mirror in his car so he remains conscious of his goals while he’s driving around. He keeps the third copy in his billfold so he says it every time he pulls out his wallet.

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georgePlease note: Just like your insurance broker, we’re not advising you to place a copy on your rear-view mirror.

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marylynn
But it’s what our friend does, so we felt obligated to report it to you!

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He told us that he almost always reached the goals he has on this laminated. Every year, he has other goals but he said he almost never reaches them. Keeping these goals in his face helps keep them top-of-mind which helps him keep these resolutions.

We all have many things that demand our attention. It’s easy for our goals to fall by the wayside. The secret is …

Keep a short list of goals,
put them in writing, and
keep them in your face!

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We have a great resource to help you set goals – our Goal Planning Workbook. It’s free when you subscribe to the Bigg Success Weekly
our free weekly e-newsletter.

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Thanks so much for stopping by to read our post. Join us next time when we’ll look at the one word that makes a bigg difference in keeping your New Year’s resolutions. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00299-010109.mp3

Related posts

Don’t Just Make New Year’s Resolutions, Get Them

How Do You Define Success?

3 Questions for a Brighter Future

questions You and you alone create your future. You are the only person, place or thing with that power. With that being the case, it's up to you to create the future of your dreams.

One way to do that is to look back so you can look forward. Reflecting upon the past and pulling lessons away so your future is bigger and brighter. With the New Year upon us, now is a great time to review last year so next year lives up to its promise for you.

There's a simple three-stage framework for performing this exercise. It involves asking yourself three questions:

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What?

Start with the actual events of this year. What happened? Describe major events in your life. As you record your answers, test your perceptions to make sure they reflect the reality of the situation. If it helps, pretend that you are a reporter objectively recording the facts of the event.

So what?

At this stage, you move from reporting to understanding, from logic to emotion. That's why it was so important to get the facts right in the first step. What did this experience mean to you? How did it make you feel? Why did you feel that way? What have you learned?

Now what?

The previous two questions lead to this one. How will you apply the lessons you learned? What specific actions will you take as a result of the events you've outlined?

These three simple questions serve as a great outline to review major events in your life and develop forward-thinking plans to be a bigg success.

Let’s look at a couple of examples, using events from 2008.

Example: Volatile stocks

What?
The stock market can be very volatile.

So what?
I can lose money if I don’t understand the risk and how to manage it.

Now what?
I will learn more about investing and asset allocation. I won’t invest money in stocks that I will need in the next ten years. I will pay closer attention to my quarterly reports to make sure I maintain the proper asset allocation given my age and goals.

Example: Layoffs

What?
Times are tough at work; layoffs are possible.

So what?
It makes me nervous. I think I could lose my job.

Now what?
I will look for ways to help my company save money. I will make sure my boss is aware of the projects I complete successfully. I will look for opportunities to add additional skills so I’m more competitive.

Solid goals

In our examples, the “Now what’s” are a little bit fuzzy. You really want to refine them to turn them into solid goals. For instance, looking at the second example, instead of saying “I will look for ways to help my company save money,” turn that into “I will find one way to save my company $X (you pick a relevant amount) in the next 30 days.”

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Would you like more help turning your thoughts into concrete goals? Get our FREE Goal-Setting Workbook when you subscribe to the Bigg Success Weekly – it’s FREE too!

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We really appreciate you taking the time to read our post today. Join us next time when we look at the most important people of 2008. We think you’ll be surprised at our choices! Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00297-123008.mp3

Related posts

Climbing The Stairway To Success

How Do You Define Success?

One-Up Yourself for Bigg Success

(Image in today's post by nookiez)