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Close Encounters of the Rude Kind

rude Does anything bring out rude behavior more than the holiday shopping season? People cutting you off in traffic, stealing your parking spot, talking on their cell phone while being checked out, leaving their garbage in stores, and even being physically aggressive on Black Friday!

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Oprah recently did a show on rude behavior where she highlighted these statistics:

  • Eighty percent of Americans think rudeness is a serious national problem.
  • Yet ninety-nine percent say that they themselves are not rude.

So we can only conclude from these results that all of the rudeness must stem from one percent of all the people! Evidently, most of us think that almost everyone else is rude, but we’re not.

Test yourself

To see how you stack up, she provides a quiz. Here are a few of the questions:

Are you chronically late? 

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georgeI would have to say n…yes. I want to say “no”, but there may be some people who would disagree with me! Too often I think I can squeeze in one more call or answer one more e-mail before heading off to that next appointment.

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marylynnOprah answered the same way. I know I need to work on this … I tend to be five minutes late to meetings.

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Have you ever interrupted a face-to-face conversation to take a non-urgent cell phone call?

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george
I can’t ever recall a time when I’ve done this. Hey, that means I got one right!

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marylynn
I’m good at ignoring the phone when I’m talking to someone face-to-face.

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Have you gone through a supermarket 10-item express lane with more than 10 items?

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georgeWell, that depends on how you define the word “item”. If I have multiples of a single item that does only count as one, doesn’t it?

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marylynn
I’m guilty by association because I go to the store with you, George.

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george
Oh thanks, Mary-Lynn, for blaming it all on me! That’s rude!

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These questions made us think – things that we don’t necessarily think are rude may be perceived as rude by others.

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georgeI get annoyed with oblivious shoppers. When it’s December 24th and I’m starting to shop for Christmas, it’s just rude for people to wander around like they don’t have anything to do. They get in the way of us serious shoppers!

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marylynnFor me, it’s rude drivers – they don’t use their turn signal. They don’t get over when I’m trying to merge even though there’s plenty of room. Drivers who don’t pay attention are inconsiderate!

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What rude behavior is a pet peeve for you?

3 rules of civil behavior

During her show, Oprah talked with Dr. P.M. Forni, author of Choosing Civility: The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct.

He says our society is structured to encourage rudeness. We’re stressed, fatigued, and in environments with a lot of people we don’t know. For example, we may be one of hundreds of people in a store or traffic jam. His book points out three rules to behave more civilly:

Pay Attention
Without attention, no meaningful interaction is possible. When we relate to the world as if we were on automatic pilot, we can hardly be at our best in our encounters with our fellow human beings.

Acknowledge Others

Acknowledge others' existence, their importance to you, their feelings, and the things they do for you. A simple "Good morning" as you walk past a co-worker in the hallway is a perfect example.

Think The Best
When we approach others assuming that they are good, honest, and sensitive, we often encourage them to be just that. Yet from the results of this study, it appears that we assume the worst in others while thinking the best of ourselves. Sometimes it is dissatisfaction with ourselves that makes us judge others unfairly.

Finally, Dr. Forni also says being polite is a healthier way to live. Going through life behaving rudely can make you physically sick. 

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We really appreciate that you took the time to read our post today. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the U.S. We’re going to put a different spin on it and talk about thanksgetting. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

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Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
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One More Thing to Add to Your Schedule

balance We were at an event recently as was one of our friends. As he was leaving, he announced that he “had another thing”. Now he’s a really busy person; there’s no grass growing under his feet as the old saying goes. He’s into his job, which requires a lot of meetings.

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But his “another thing” remark got us thinking. What a great way to politely excuse yourself!

And that “other thing” could even be personal. He may have been going home for dinner for all we know!

It leaves a good impression – you’re a busy person. You like to stick to your schedule. It’s also a great way to excuse yourself, even from people who like to talk your ears off!

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georgeI’ve used this before. As a business owner, I had some flexibility with my schedule. I would go to a “lunch meeting” which sometimes meant I was meeting a friend. Or I’d sneak in a work out in the middle of the afternoon by saying I was off to a meeting.

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marylynn When I was in radio, we used to have a “Morning Show Meeting” once in a while. My co-host and I would get off the air and sneak out for some breakfast. It was a great way to bond, talk about work, and just get away for a bit. We found that sometimes we got more done by leaving the office!

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Now we’re not recommending that you use this technique to excuse yourself for a huge part of the day. But as a busy person, sometimes the best way to balance your personal and professional lives is to integrate the two!

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There’s a new study that shows mean breeds mean. Next time, we’ll discuss how to avoid the trap. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

 

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Routinely Get Ready Mentally for the Task at Hand

By Bigg Success Staff
08-04-08

Life Skills

Gretchen Rubin is conducting research about happiness for her next book. Along the way, she’s sharing some of the things she has learned on her site, The Happiness Project.

Recently she wrote about the value of a ritual. She says that following a routine helps condition our minds for the task at hand and offers some great examples. We highly recommend that you read her fantastic post.

We all have rituals – like our getting-ready-for-work routine or our getting-started-at-work process. Some are born of necessity. Others happen with purpose for a purpose. Still others happen by default.

It’s important to pay attention to all of our rituals. It’s most crucial to pay attention to the ones that happen by default. Is this really something you want / need to do?

It’s also crucial to consider rituals that are missing. Perhaps you’ve set a goal, but you haven’t established a routine that helps you achieve it.

Some people say they don’t follow routines because they like to live spontaneously. Certainly, some flexibility is important to keep life fun – sometimes it pays to “shake up” your routine to keep your excitement level up.

However, rituals aren’t designed to limit us. In fact, quite the opposite – they should free us up! They help us step through each part of our day in an orderly process. They help us remove the noise and chaos from our minds so we can be our best when it’s needed.

What are your routines?

Hear today's lesson and laugh on The Bigg Success Show. 



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Understand Your Patterns to Make Your Time Off More Valuable

By Bigg Success Staff
04-30-08

Work – Life Balance 

freshen_up

Horse trainers “freshen” their horses. That’s lingo for a horse getting a vacation. Fresh horses are filled with their energy and ready to race again!

However, they have different patterns getting back to the race. Some immediately come back strong. Others need a couple of runs to hit their full stride again.

Just like trainers learn to know what to expect after their horse gets some needed rest, we also need to understand our own patterns.

Do you need a long break or a series of shorter ones?
Some people are so stressed by the time they take a break that a short one just won’t do. They never get past the stress so they can relax and enjoy their time off.

If that describes you, then take a long vacation!

Others get more stressed if they’re away from their normal routine too long. They start worrying about getting further and further behind so they don’t relax.

If you’re one of these people, take a series of long weekends.

Do you need a day or two to get back in the swing of things after a break?

Some people get back from vacation, whether long or short, and are immediately ready to jump into daily life again.

Others need to time to phase in. If you need to do this, plan your vacation so you get an extra day or two to “unwind from unwinding”. If that’s not possible, try to schedule your daily routine a little lighter for your first day or two back in “the real world”.

Are there certain times of the year when you really need some time off?

Some of us have extremely busy seasons. A break immediately after the season is often the best medicine! You’ll be able to push through, knowing that some needed time off is on the horizon.

Another example is people who live in areas where the winter months are cold, long and dreary. Knowing that they have some time away in the sun is just the prescription to cure their winter blues.

Start by learning your patterns and preferences. Then schedule yourself accordingly. You’ll find that you’re more productive when you do this, both at work and at home.

Hear today's lesson and laugh on The Bigg Success Show. 

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5 Laws of Stratospheric Success

The Go-Giver is a great story about Joe, an ambitious, young go-getter who desperately needs to make a sale before the end of the quarter. So he goes to Pindar, the wise consultant, for mentoring. Pindar doesn’t help Joe make a sale.

Today, we were fortunate to have Bob Burg, one of the authors of The Go-Giver on The Bigg Success Show. Here are the highlights of the conversation:

Mary-Lynn: So Bob, your character Joe learns the 5 laws of stratospheric success. What are they?

Bob: #1 – Law of Value. Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.

Now that sounds counterproductive. How do you give more in value than you accept in payment and still prosper? We need to understand the difference between price and value. Price is a dollar figure; value is the relative worth to the end user.

For example – You hired an accountant to do your returns, and they charged you a fee of $500, but through their diligence, hard work, and knowledge, they were able to save you $2,000. They provided you $2,000 in value while charging you a $500 price. They made a profit, but you felt great about the transaction. That’s the kind of transaction that we want to have with our customers.

Mary-Lynn:
Alright, #2.

Bob: #2 – Law of Compensation. Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

Law #2 tell us that the greater the number of people we provide exceptional value to, the more money with which we’ll be rewarded. So Law #1 talks about the value; Law #2 talks about the reach.

Mary-Lynn: The word-of-mouth, right?

Bob: Exactly. And when you provide great value to people, you have all of these people who feel so good about you that you develop an army of, what I call, personal walking ambassadors.

George: What’s #3, Bob?

Bob: #3 – Law of Influence. Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first.

Now again, this sounds polyanna, at best, but it’s actually quite practical. Because all things being equal, people will do business with (and refer business to) people they know, like, and trust.

And as you guys know, there’s no faster, no more effective, no more powerful way to elicit those feelings toward you in others, than by finding ways to put the other’s person’s interests first. Always thinking – How can I add value to this person? How can I help this person in their life?

George: Boy, it seems like you see people do the opposite. They think – What can I get from this person, rather than what can I give them?

Bob: Well, and that’s why a lot of people are broke!

Mary-Lynn: Alright, Law #4.

Bob: #4 – Law of Authenticity. The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

All the techniques and all the skills are all for naught, if you’re not authentic and if you don’t come across as authentic. However, when you are your true self, then what happens is it takes those skills, those techniques, and it multiplies them geometrically.

So please understand, skills are necessary, the knowledge is necessary, it’s all necessary, but without the authenticity, the power just isn’t there.

Mary-Lynn: Yeah, people are pretty smart. They can see a fake when one’s out there.

Bob:
Exactly.

George: Bob, what’s the fifth law?

Bob: #5 – Law of Receptivity. The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

Pindar, the mentor, says to Joe, “Joe, I want you to breathe out and don’t breathe in.” So Joe tries. After eight seconds – he’s gasping … ten seconds – gasping … twelve seconds … he cannot do it any longer.

He finally starts coughing, He says, “Pindar, I have to breathe in. I can’t just breathe out.”

Pindar says, “Well, Joe, what if I told you it’s been scientifically proven that it’s healthier to breathe out than it is to breathe in?”

“That’s crazy! You have to do both.”

You must breathe out, which is giving, and you must breathe in, which is receiving.”

George:
Bob, it seems like sometimes we give and give, but we run into those people who do nothing but take. What’s the advice for that?

Bob: You know, you’re right. There are some people who have really mastered the art of giving, but haven’t mastered the art of receiving, which is one thing we really show you how to do in the book. We’ve had some nice feedback on that.

Regarding your excellent question, I think we have to be careful, because being a go-giver should never be confused with being a martyr or being self-sacrificial. We need to make sure we’re associating with, and attracting, the type of people into our lives who are go-givers themselves, or can learn to be go-givers.

Mary-Lynn:
Thanks, Bob for visiting with us!

Get the book to see all that Joe learns about being a go-giver.

Just to show you that Bob believes what he says …

you can get a free chapter of The Go-Giver by visiting his site.

Our bigg quote today is by Taisen Deshimaru:

“To receive everything, one must open one’s hands and give.”

So give unselfishly and receive abundantly.

Next time, we’ll discuss 5 success factors. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

 

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