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The Most Important Person to Love

loveDo you remember the old song, If Loving You is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right? We have our own version here at Bigg Success. It goes like this, If loving ME is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”

We’re talking about this today because we often treat other people better than we treat ourselves. For example, we would never say to someone else, “You suck.” Do we say some version of that to ourselves?

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marylynn This is a great topic for me, because I can be very self-critical. I would never say to my best friend, or a colleague, or even George (I’m saying that with a smile in my voice), some of the things I say to myself.

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For whatever reason, we think it’s okay to speak to ourselves differently than we would someone else. We don’t filter it at all. We don’t think about presentation. It’s so incredibly important – especially when we’re talking to ourselves.

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marylynn I think it has to do with our expectations. For some reason, I’ll expect myself to be absolutely perfect on absolutely everything. I’m setting myself up for failure.

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georgeWe’re not promoting a religion or trying to convert you to anything. However, as we prepared for this show, I remembered a verse from the Bible. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We often focus so much on “love your neighbor” that we forget about “as yourself.” Inherent in this quote is this – if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love your neighbor.

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Yet somehow we think we can. Somehow we think we don’t have to care about ourselves, but we can care about others. We don’t have to give to ourselves, but we do give to others. That leads to a feeling of emptiness.

It may be our human nature – we do care about other people. We do reach out to others. Often we put ourselves second, but we should put ourselves EQUAL to our neighbor.

It’s important to give to others. We get a lot of fulfillment out of serving others. But we also need to give to ourselves, to serve ourselves. Otherwise, our well runs dry.

Hey, another song comes to mind – Love, Love Me Do!

4 ways to show the love to yourself   


#1 – Cut yourself some slack!

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georgeWe’re human – we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be super-human. I always think I can get more done than is humanly possible. I come by it honestly … my dad was the same way! I think I can take one more phone call and still make that next appointment on time. Then I get upset with myself when I can’t do it. I’m still learning to live on human time.

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#2 – Edit that self-talk

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marylynn I have learned to constantly monitor my self-talk. It’s easy to be negative but what good does that do? How does that help you achieve your goal? How does that help you make any changes?

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This is a bigg one. When you’re getting ready to tell yourself something, think about it. If it’s negative, stop dead in your tracks. You have to do it, because if you don’t, you’ll get discouraged. It’s a habit you have to break. Look for a good, positive solution instead.

#3 – Pamper yourself

We pamper other people. We celebrate other people’s victories. We congratulate them when they do something well. We wish them happy birthday.

Celebrate your birthday. It’s baloney to say you don’t celebrate them any more. You should. It’s your birthday, for crying out loud! Pamper yourself, too. Treat yourself just like you would your best friend.

#4 – Get in touch with yourself

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marylynn It’s a simple thing I do every day. I go for a walk. It serves two purposes for me – I get some exercise and I get outside of myself. I enjoy watching the squirrels play in the tree and the fishies in the lake near our home. It’s a good to get away and it’s good for me. It makes me feel good. Do those little things every day that make you feel good, that get you in touch with yourself and what you love.

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georgeMary-Lynn’s comment made me think of another song title … When I think about ME, I touch myself!

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How do you show yourself the love? Share with us by leaving a comment.

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Why Being Imperfect is Perfect

On the show, George said his dad was a perfectionist. Specifically, he was a bricklayer who was known for his impeccable craftsmanship. However, when he was working on other things, George said he would sometimes hear his dad say …

“It’s good enough for who it’s for.”

That’s a great saying to remember to help you fight your inner perfectionist. When you’re working on something, you reach a point of diminishing returns. 

2 options
#1 – You can spend a whole bunch more time to get something a little bit better, or

#2 – You can spend the same time and get a whole bunch more done.

In most cases, you’re better off doing #1!

The 80 / 20 rule
Apply the old 80 / 20 rule – 80 percent of the things you do probably don’t need to be perfect; only 20 percent do.

If what you’re working on is really important, go for the marginal improvement you’ll get from spending the extra time on it. If it’s not that important, get it done and remind yourself that it’s good enough for who it’s for.

For example, Mary-Lynn said that she used to try to get her hair to look just right before she went to work. But she has a lot of hair, so it took some time. She found that if she kept fussing with it, she’d be late for work. She learned to just turn off that curling iron, pull the plug and say, “It’s good enough for who it’s for.”

George said he only wished he had enough hair to have that problem!

Perfectionism causes procrastination
Perfectionism can be a huge problem because it may cause you to procrastinate. Have you ever put off doing something because everything had to be perfect before you could start?

George said that when he had a report to write in college, he would never be satisfied with the research he had done. The house had to be immaculate before he could start. His desk had to be cleaned and organized. He finally learned to say, “It’s good enough for who it’s for!” Then he could get start writing the report!

Rebutting your inner perfectionist
There’s a well-known technique for fighting off your inner critic. Start a journal that records the conversation between the perfectionist in you and your more practical self. This helps you discover what is causing your need for perfection so you can rebut your inner perfectionist.

So, yes, we’re telling you to talk to yourself! But remember, you don’t need a perfect reply or a perfect question.

Our bigg quote today is a shortened version of a quote by John Updike:

“Perfectionism is the enemy of creation …”

So fight off your inner perfectionist with these simple words, “It’s good enough for who it’s for.”

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Next time, we’ll discuss how to increase your profit year after year. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

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Practice Not Being Perfect

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Before we start on today’s topic, we want to remind you to visualize your dream life, by answering the question, “If neither time nor money were an issue, how would you spend your time and money?” We’ll be coming back to this topic in a few weeks, so keep dreaming bigg! 

The holiday season is in full swing. Black Friday has come and gone. Millions are celebrating Cyber Monday today by shopping online. We received an e-mail from one of our listeners recently that we thought we would share with you.

Julie says that, in the last few years, she’s gotten so stressed out trying to find the perfect present for everyone on her list. She gets frustrated and oh-so-tired. She wants some suggestions on finding the joy in the holidays again.

You may be able to feel Julie’s pain. Life seems particularly busy this time of year. However, Julie’s problem goes beyond Christmas and presents. There are lessons to be learned for the whole year. Here what we suggested to Julie:

  • Be a hero, not a super hero.
  • Lower your expectations. You only have 24 hours in the day. You can only do so much. Stop trying to be super-human. Live your life on human terms. We give you permission to be human. We even give you permission to buy gift certificates!  

  • Ask why it’s so important.
  • What’s the underlying need you’re seeking to fulfill? Is it the approval of others? You’re worried that your friends and your kids won't think you’re the best. Get past the superficial. Focus on your goal – showing your loved ones that you care about them. Stop worrying about impressing them.  

  • Be happy with 75%.
  • We heard a story recently about a college professor who taught a CPA review course. On the first day of the new semester, the professor explained to his new crop of students that they needed to get a score of 75 or above on each of the four sections of the CPA test. Then he introduced them to his model student. His scores on the CPA exam were:
    Section 1: 75
    Section 2: 75
    Section 3: 75
    Section 4: 75

    He passed every section with the minimum score! But he passed. The professor explained to his class that this student had spent exactly the right amount of time preparing for the exam.

    Any less would have led to failure.
    Any more would have been wasted.

    He has the same CPA designation as the person who got 100 in all four sections. But he had more time to spend on other important things in his life.

    So spend 25% less time trying to get it perfect. Use that time to enjoy your life. By being less demanding of yourself, you’ll find your life is much more rewarding.  

Our quote today is by Arthur N. Known.

“No one is perfect … that’s why pencils have erasers.”

Striving for excellence puts lead in your pencil. Striving for perfection takes it out.
Tomorrow, we’ll challenge you to stretch yourself. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!