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The Most Important Person to Love

loveDo you remember the old song, If Loving You is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right? We have our own version here at Bigg Success. It goes like this, If loving ME is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”

We’re talking about this today because we often treat other people better than we treat ourselves. For example, we would never say to someone else, “You suck.” Do we say some version of that to ourselves?

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marylynn This is a great topic for me, because I can be very self-critical. I would never say to my best friend, or a colleague, or even George (I’m saying that with a smile in my voice), some of the things I say to myself.

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For whatever reason, we think it’s okay to speak to ourselves differently than we would someone else. We don’t filter it at all. We don’t think about presentation. It’s so incredibly important – especially when we’re talking to ourselves.

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marylynn I think it has to do with our expectations. For some reason, I’ll expect myself to be absolutely perfect on absolutely everything. I’m setting myself up for failure.

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georgeWe’re not promoting a religion or trying to convert you to anything. However, as we prepared for this show, I remembered a verse from the Bible. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We often focus so much on “love your neighbor” that we forget about “as yourself.” Inherent in this quote is this – if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love your neighbor.

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Yet somehow we think we can. Somehow we think we don’t have to care about ourselves, but we can care about others. We don’t have to give to ourselves, but we do give to others. That leads to a feeling of emptiness.

It may be our human nature – we do care about other people. We do reach out to others. Often we put ourselves second, but we should put ourselves EQUAL to our neighbor.

It’s important to give to others. We get a lot of fulfillment out of serving others. But we also need to give to ourselves, to serve ourselves. Otherwise, our well runs dry.

Hey, another song comes to mind – Love, Love Me Do!

4 ways to show the love to yourself   


#1 – Cut yourself some slack!

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georgeWe’re human – we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be super-human. I always think I can get more done than is humanly possible. I come by it honestly … my dad was the same way! I think I can take one more phone call and still make that next appointment on time. Then I get upset with myself when I can’t do it. I’m still learning to live on human time.

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#2 – Edit that self-talk

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marylynn I have learned to constantly monitor my self-talk. It’s easy to be negative but what good does that do? How does that help you achieve your goal? How does that help you make any changes?

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This is a bigg one. When you’re getting ready to tell yourself something, think about it. If it’s negative, stop dead in your tracks. You have to do it, because if you don’t, you’ll get discouraged. It’s a habit you have to break. Look for a good, positive solution instead.

#3 – Pamper yourself

We pamper other people. We celebrate other people’s victories. We congratulate them when they do something well. We wish them happy birthday.

Celebrate your birthday. It’s baloney to say you don’t celebrate them any more. You should. It’s your birthday, for crying out loud! Pamper yourself, too. Treat yourself just like you would your best friend.

#4 – Get in touch with yourself

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marylynn It’s a simple thing I do every day. I go for a walk. It serves two purposes for me – I get some exercise and I get outside of myself. I enjoy watching the squirrels play in the tree and the fishies in the lake near our home. It’s a good to get away and it’s good for me. It makes me feel good. Do those little things every day that make you feel good, that get you in touch with yourself and what you love.

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georgeMary-Lynn’s comment made me think of another song title … When I think about ME, I touch myself!

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How do you show yourself the love? Share with us by leaving a comment.

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I Get Anxious Before an Interview. How Do I Relax?

Bigg Challenge
Kelly e-mailed us because she gets overly nervous about job interviews. She wants to know how to get over it before her upcoming interviews. 

Bigg Advice
It’s natural to get nervous when you interview. Here are some key things you can do to overcome your anxiety. Before the interview It boils down to self-confidence, which largely comes from preparation. There are three ways you should prepare:

Before the interview
It boils down to self-confidence, which largely comes from preparation. There are three ways you should prepare:

#1 – Research
Get information about the industry and the specific company. If they’re a public company, you’ll find a lot of information available. If not, you can still check out their web site and search the internet to see what you can learn. Also, check your local library.

Try to learn more about the person or persons with whom you’ll be talking. Once again, Google them. Also, check out social media sites like Facebook and Linked In to see what you learn.

#2 – Questions and answers
Think about the questions they might ask and prepare your answers. Reflect upon your past interviews for some clues. Also talk to friends who have interviewed recently. And if you have friends in human resources or management, get some hints from them.

As you think about how you’ll answer the questions, focus on what makes you unique. Everyone says they’re a “good people person”. Think “you” – how will hiring you benefit them? Give specific examples from your past that show what you can do.

#3 – Rehearse
Practice in front of a mirror until you’re happy with what you’re saying and how you’re saying it. Also, set up a friend with flash cards so you can do some role playing.

If that friend is in human resources or management, so much the better. If you don’t know anyone like that, find a friend who’s a successful interviewee with whom to practice.

During the interview
You’re prepared and the bigg day is upon you. Now put yourself in the right frame of mind. Keep in mind that a little bit of anxiety is good – it will make you sharper.

On the show, Mary-Lynn said that a good friend of hers gave her some great advice the day before a bigg interview

Take deep breaths and believe in yourself.

Give yourself a positive affirmation as you’re walking in. You can do it – you’re fully prepared!

As the interview starts, focus only on the conversation at that moment. Don’t worry about anything from the past. Don’t try to anticipate upcoming questions. Deal with one question at a time.

And remember, it’s just a conversation. Pretend it’s a good friend and you’re telling him or her all about the work you’ve done, the work you want to do, and why you should be hired.

Finally, remember they have to sell you, too. You’re investigating a job opportunity. This may not be the right one. You’re there to learn about them and let them know how great you are! That’s all!

Thanks, Kelly. We know you’ll do great!

If you have a bigg challenge, send it our way bigginfo@biggsuccess.com,

Our bigg quote today comes from Beyonce Knowles:

“I get nervous when I don’t get nervous. If I’m
nervous, I know I’m going to have a good show.”

Turn your nervousness about nervousness upside down so when it’s show time, you’ll be a star!

Next time, we’ll look at how two great coaches built their winning teams. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

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Reject This Fear And Succeed

 

reject_no

  

 Many people get mired in fear. There’s one fear, in particular, that seems to hold many people back.

The root of this fear often stems from childhood. Do you remember being made fun of, not being included, or not being one of the cool kids? As adults, this fear is manifested by not asking for the sale, not reaching out to people, or just not going for what we want.

You have to reject the fear of rejection to succeed bigg!

Be confident.
If you need a confidence boost, check out our blog on how to build confidence. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you won’t flat out accept the rejection. You’ll keep trying – one more thing, then one more. That’s what you have to do to succeed bigg!

Understand that success is a numbers game.
You have to hear “No” a certain number of times to get to “Yes”. Ask any published author. Any successful salesperson. Job seekers. Actors and actresses. The list goes on and on. Come to see “No” as a positive – it means you’re one step closer to success!

Don’t take rejection personally.
The odds are VERY high that they’re NOT rejecting you personally. It’s the offer, the presentation, the design, the wording, their circumstances, or any of so many other variables we can’t begin to name them all.

Try to find out why the rejection occurred.
If you take it personally, you won’t look for the reason underlying the rejection. Then you get caught in a vicious circle – you’re more likely to get rejected again because you’re not learning anything from each rejection.

You want to understand why it occurred, so you can answer this question: Is the reason for the rejection something you can control?

Here’s the good news – you’ve learned something important either way!

If “No” – move on! If “Yes” – try again after you’ve made the necessary changes.

Recipes for Rejecting the Rejection Blues
Even self-confident positive-thinkers who have mastered the fear of rejection can succumb to the blues when faced with rejection after rejection. We’re all only human!

On the show, Mary-Lynn and George shared their recipes for rejecting the rejection blues.

Mary-Lynn: Rejection emboldens me. I’m very competitive and I don’t like being told “no”. When it happens, I turn to some good rock and roll. There are a couple of songs I particularly like: Keep Pushin’ by REO Speedwagon and Foreigner’s I’m Gonna Win.

George:
I find it helpful to do something life affirming, like escaping to bigg water. I feel calm when I experience its massiveness. It makes anything I’m facing seem miniscule. If water isn’t an option, nature in any form can be helpful. I also like to go for drives in the country. If I can’t do anything else, Little River Band’s Cool Change makes me feel free. I start dreaming again. Then I’m ready to get back to work!

How do you give yourself a lift when rejection is bringing you down? Leave us a Comment below!

Our bigg quote today comes from Louis Ferdinand Celine.

“I think all great innovations are built on rejections.”

So don’t get bogged down in the pool of rejection when there’s an ocean of opportunity awaiting you.

Next time, we’ll offer some interviewing tips for a first-time manager. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

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This Advice Is Not For The Faint-of-Heart

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 On the show, George said he once had a student who underperformed, primarily due to sporadic attendance. As the semester wound down, he found out the reason – his student had a severe acne condition. Most of the time, it was under control. But it occasionally flared up, and this student wouldn’t leave his apartment.

George said that, had he known what the problem was, he could have helped. The University has fantastic support services for students. But this student didn’t take advantage of it.

So why don’t people, who need help, ask for it?

  • Youth and inexperience
    Some people just don’t know any better. They may have never faced the situation before. 
  • Insecurity
    Other people don’t ask for help because they lack self-confidence. They’re afraid they’ll be embarrassed or “look stupid”. 
  • Ego
    Yet other people are too proud to admit that they’re in over their head. 

All of which leads us to the common perception that keeps many people from succeeding:

They think that they will look weak if they ask for help.

George has a friend who is a multi-multi-millionaire. He owns many businesses. He has real estate all over the country. He travels extensively. He is a well-respected leader in the community.

But it hasn’t always been easy. A few years ago, he almost ran out of cash in his franchise business. He approached anyone and everyone within the franchise organization that he thought could help him. Together they found a solution that helped him get back on his feet!

The moral to these stories … only the strong ask for help.

So, assuming you’re strong enough, here are three tips to get the help you need.

#1 – Know who to ask.
Don’t ask people who can’t help you, but ask anyone and everyone who can. George’s student may have talked to friends, but they didn’t know what to do. The businessman talked to the appropriate people with the franchisor. They helped make it happen!

#2 – Present your situation properly.
People respond best to opportunities. So, whenever possible, frame your situation as an opportunity, not a problem. Obviously, this won’t apply to all situations.

The student didn’t have an opportunity to offer, per se. However, there are people at the University whose entire job is to help students in that type of situation. This was an opportunity to fulfill their mission.

The businessman presented an openness to consider anything, but a desire to help his franchisor solve their problems, too. He ended up partnering with them in yet another business, which led to his fortune.

#3 – Be willing to accept advice and act upon it or don’t ask in the first place.
You’ll demonstrate that they’ve helped you by implementing their solution and letting them know how it goes. Otherwise, don’t waste their time.

Do you need help with a bigg challenge you’re facing?
E-mail us at bigginfo@biggsuccess.com.We' love to help!

Our bigg quote today is by Ric Ocasek, the lead singer of The Cars.

“Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.”

So “let’s go” ask for help. I usually get “just what I needed” to “shake it up” and create some “magic.”

Can you tell we’re bigg Cars fans?

The title of our next blog says it all – “Help! My Spouse Spends Too Much Money!” We’ll help one of our newsletter subscribers stop the bleeding without getting bloody! Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

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The Confidence Game

If you have owned your own business, you have probably struggled with self-confidence from time to time. You may even relate to and have suggestions for one of our listeners.

We received an e-mail from Beth, who is in the process of starting her own consulting company. She says her problem is that there’s a little voice in her head that keeps pointing out what she doesn’t know. It’s paralyzing her progress, and she would like some advice on how to get past this.

Don’t feel alone, this is a common problem. We congratulate Beth for having the courage to make this move. George has a theory that, as an entrepreneur, the highs are higher and the lows are lower when own your own business. So welcome to the roller coaster!

Here are some tips on how to get past the lows by giving yourself a boost in confidence:

Don’t expect perfection
Allow yourself to be human, by setting achievable goals. For instance, many people feel they don’t know the financial side of business. Read books, take a class, or find someone you can team up with. Do what you do well and let others help you so that you can get started and tackle your challenges.

Rebut the cruel inner critic
Counter your negatives with positives. For example, when that little tells you what you don’t know, tell it what you do know. When it tells you why you shouldn’t take a risk, tell it why you should. Focus on what you can do and what you know you will do.

Be Your Best Friend
Friends tell you what you need to hear, but when they do, it’s in a caring way. We help our friends get through tough situations in encouraging ways. So why not offer yourself suggestions in the same manner? Don’t get down on yourself and be critical just because you didn’t do something right or because you don’t know something.

Meditate
It’s important to practice thinking positive. Take a break, think about a task you completed that made you feel confident, and remember how good it felt. When you go to bed, focus on three good things that you did well that day. It’s a great way to end the day, by focusing on what you have accomplished.

Our quote today is by Stan Smith.

“Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.”

Get out of your own way…you’ve got places to go! Tomorrow we’ll discuss getting the money off your back. We’ll share some recent research on monkeys that you’ll find interesting.

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