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How to Crack a Crabby Co-Worker

Bigg Challenge
Melissa e-mailed us about a co-worker that she works with regularly on projects. Her co-worker is never in a good mood. In fact, she’s often downright unfriendly to everybody. Melissa tried taking a personal interest and killing her with kindness, but it didn’t matter. She wonders how to deal with this difficult co-worker.

 

Bigg Advice
Ah, the crabby co-worker with the hard exterior shell that you just can’t crack! It seems like every office has one. We’ll offer some suggestions, Melissa, but just remember you can’t change anybody but yourself.

You’ve tried being nice, but it hasn’t helped. Sometimes the nicer you are to people like this, the meaner they get. They’re like the bully that we all picture from our childhood days.

So don’t be afraid to stand up to the bully. One of two things will happen when you do – they’ll either be more of a bully or they’ll respect you for standing up for yourself.

So confront her directly, but don’t be in-her-face about it. There’s a good chance you’ll catch her off guard, because bullies aren’t used to being called out for being rude.

When she says something curt, just ask, “Have I done something to offend you?” You can expect one of two responses:

  • She may say “Yes”.
    That gives you the opportunity to follow up. Just ask, “I wasn’t aware I had offended you, what did I do?”

    Now at least you can have a conversation. She may get it off her chest and you might become one of the few people she treats well.

  • She may say, “No, why?”
    That will open the door for you to say something like, “By the tone of your voice, I just felt like I must have upset you.”

    In some cases, bullies have behaved this way for so long (and gotten away with it), they don’t even realize that they’re doing it. By bringing it to her attention, she might change her attitude toward you.

No matter what, Melissa, be sincere. Don’t worry about her attitude and don’t take it personally – it’s her problem, not yours.

Lower the bar

On the show, George shared some advice that he learned from one of his mentors. This mentor said he discovered early in his career that he wouldn’t like everybody with whom he worked. However, he worked hard to not dislike any of his co-workers.

So lower the bar! Try to find ways to not dislike her. For example, maybe she’s really good at what she does and you can respect her for that.

Thanks, Melissa for sharing your bigg challenge! 

If you have some tips for Melissa, share them with all of us! Comment below!

Our bigg quote today is by Anais Nin:

“From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead. Take control and choose to focus on what is important in your life. Those who cannot live fully often become destroyers of life.”

So don’t fret too much about your crabby co-worker. Plenty of people will melt like butter from the warmth of your personality.

Next time, in honor of Mother’s Day, we’ll talk about mom’s lasting legacy. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

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How to Offer Criticism Without Being Critical

Today’s blog is about an important relationship-building tool. It’s important at work and home. It’s crucial for leaders and first-time managers.

It’s about understanding when to use your “active” voice and when to use your “passive” voice. It may sound simple, but it’s amazing how many times we get it wrong.


Today, we’ll quickly review active and passive voice, and offer some tips on how to use each one effectively.

Active voice
The subject of the sentence appears before the action. Stated more simply, the noun occurs before the verb. The active voice is often more direct and easier to follow.

For example, “You performed exceptionally well on this project.

Passive voice
The action appears in the sentence before the subject, if the subject appears at all. The verb comes first, the noun comes later.

So the example above, spoken in the passive voice would be, “This project was done exceptionally well by you.”

Note that this sentence actually sounds a little strange stated in the passive voice. That’s often the case.

Use the passive voice to offer criticism.
The passive voice has its uses. For example, which of the following two statements would you rather hear?

“You performed below expectations on this project”

“Expectations weren’t met on this project.”

The first example is in the active voice. So the focus is on “you”, not the “project”. The second example does the opposite – using the passive voice, it puts the focus on the project.

The second example sounds better on this go-around, doesn’t it? Can you picture yourself getting defensive with the first sentence? Probably so, because it screams, “You screwed up!”

So when you want to discuss anything negative, use your passive voice. You’ll find that your conversation is much more productive! They won’t feel backed into a corner. They feel more like you’re on their side. You’re not fixing the blame; you’re trying to fix the problem with their help.

Use the active voice to praise people.
Going back to our original example, we’ll bet you would feel great if your boss said, “You performed exceptionally well …”

Can you imagine how your performance would improve if your boss said something like that to you in front of all your co-workers? This is an incredible tool for managers to improve the morale of their troops.

So when you want to tell someone that they did something great, use your active voice. Put them first in your sentences. You’ll feel great because you’ll make them feel great!

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Our bigg quote today comes from Abraham Lincoln:

“He has a right to criticize, who has the heart to help.”

Actively accentuate the positives and eliminate the negatives with your passive voice.

Next time, we’ll discuss how to deal with a difficult co-worker. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

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Don’t Fear the Banker!

A lot of us are very uncomfortable talking about money, whether that means negotiating your salary, asking for a sale, or asking for a loan. So the thought of going to the bank to get a loan can be very intimidating.

The loan process seems somewhat mysterious. Wouldn’t it by nice to know where bankers are coming from? Then you would be better positioned to get the money you need.

3 things to understand about your banker

#1 – Banks can’t afford to lose money.
A lot of people don’t realize that banks operate on relatively thin profit margins. So, contrary to popular belief, they don’t make that much money on every loan.

The biggest question every banker has when looking at every loan proposal is …

Will we get paid back?

They’re more concerned about the return OF their investment than the return ON their investment. That comes later.

#2 – Banks don’t fund start-ups.

This is perhaps one of the biggest misperceptions in the business world. People think the bank is the best place to go for money they need to start a business.

To which we say, reread our first point! Bankers are relatively risk averse for the reasons stated above and more. So banks don’t tend to lend money to new, unproven firms.

You might be saying, “But I know people who got money to start their business from a bank.” Here’s the distinction – the bank wasn’t loaning money to their BUSINESS; they loaned them money as individuals FOR their business. If you look deeper, you’ll find that, in almost every case, they secured the loan with equity in their house or some other asset.

#3 – Banks need to lend money.
That’s their business. So if you need money, and you can prove that you can pay it back, and you have some assets to secure the loan, go to the bank with confidence!

Your bank is just like your favorite video store.
Video stores rent DVDs for a fee. Banks rent money for a fee. So going to the bank is just like renting a movie. You have to return the movie and pay a fee. And hey, unlike video stores, bankers don’t charge their fees upfront!

Click on our Comment link below to share your thoughts on today's post
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Our bigg quote today is by the great Stephen Covey:

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Understand your banker’s needs so you stand to get your money needs. 

Next time, we’ll discuss how to offer criticism without being critical. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Related posts 

How To Become A Millionaire

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(Image by svilen001)

Don't Fear the Banker!

A lot of us are very uncomfortable talking about money, whether that means negotiating your salary, asking for a sale, or asking for a loan. So the thought of going to the bank to get a loan can be very intimidating.

The loan process seems somewhat mysterious. Wouldn’t it by nice to know where bankers are coming from? Then you would be better positioned to get the money you need.

3 things to understand about your banker

#1 – Banks can’t afford to lose money.
A lot of people don’t realize that banks operate on relatively thin profit margins. So, contrary to popular belief, they don’t make that much money on every loan.

The biggest question every banker has when looking at every loan proposal is …

Will we get paid back?

They’re more concerned about the return OF their investment than the return ON their investment. That comes later.

#2 – Banks don’t fund start-ups.

This is perhaps one of the biggest misperceptions in the business world. People think the bank is the best place to go for money they need to start a business.

To which we say, reread our first point! Bankers are relatively risk averse for the reasons stated above and more. So banks don’t tend to lend money to new, unproven firms.

You might be saying, “But I know people who got money to start their business from a bank.” Here’s the distinction – the bank wasn’t loaning money to their BUSINESS; they loaned them money as individuals FOR their business. If you look deeper, you’ll find that, in almost every case, they secured the loan with equity in their house or some other asset.

#3 – Banks need to lend money.
That’s their business. So if you need money, and you can prove that you can pay it back, and you have some assets to secure the loan, go to the bank with confidence!

Your bank is just like your favorite video store.
Video stores rent DVDs for a fee. Banks rent money for a fee. So going to the bank is just like renting a movie. You have to return the movie and pay a fee. And hey, unlike video stores, bankers don’t charge their fees upfront!

Click on our Comment link below to share your thoughts on today's post
Click on the Share This button below to Digg, Stumble, Mixx more

Our bigg quote today is by the great Stephen Covey:

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Understand your banker’s needs so you stand to get your money needs. 

Next time, we’ll discuss how to offer criticism without being critical. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Related posts 

How To Become A Millionaire

Good Debt vs. Bad Debt

How To Get Your Customers To Finance Your Business

5 Places to Find Cash for Your Business Today

I Have An Idea For A Business! Now What?

Lessons Learned From A Bankrupt Business Owner

(Image by svilen001)

How To Be A Terrible Boss

There’s an old saying that is supported by much research – people join companies; they leave their managers.With that in mind, we thought we’d share seven ways to drive your employees away.

George and Mary-Lynn are experts at driving people away. Listen to today’s show and you’ll find out why we say that!

#1 – Be indecisive.
Postpone making decisions. Send it to committee. Call in a consultant. Wait until you have ALL the information. Analyze EVERY alternative. There all kinds of ways to do this.

Instead of ready – aim – fire, you should get ready and then – aim – aim – aim …

#2 – Don’t let them know what you expect.
Don’t have a plan that you share with them. Don’t make goals or establish priorities. And don’t ever set a deadline. After all, if your people don’t know what you expect of them, they’ll never know how they’re doing. They’ll have to rely on you to tell them.

#3 – Be inaccessible.
Don’t spend too much time at the office. When you do, keep your door shut. Or, if you do keep it open, always look like you’re too busy to talk to any of your employees. They don’t have anything important to discuss anyway, right?

#4 – Be inflexible.

Always follow the rules, without exception. They’re not in place to provide a framework –they’re the law! Business must always come first – no matter what’s going on in your employees’ lives.

#5 – Be inconsistent.
What’s your mood today? Make decisions based on your emotions, not on the plan, policies, and precedents. Don’t treat all of your people all the same – show favoritism. Don’t worry about performance; take care of the people you like.

#6 – Make them feel unappreciated.
Don’t tell them when they do a good job. And when they don’t, criticize them in front of their peers. Oh, and don’t forget – be sure to openly discuss one employee’s faults with some other employee. That definitely will drive people away.

Quickly dismiss any ideas your employees have. Better yet, don’t even listen to them. And, whatever else you may do, don’t trust them with any major responsibilities.

# 7 – Don’t lead by example.
You should have one set of rules for you and another set of rules for your staff. They should do as you say, not as you do.

We need help – how can we keep from driving employees away?
Let us know by leaving a comment at the end of our blog.

Our Bigg Quote today comes from E.M. Kelly.

“The difference between a boss and a leader: a boss says, ‘Go!’ A leader says, ‘Let’s go!’”

So, if you want to drive your employees away, just keep driving them.

Next time, we’ll talk about how to reach your goals this week. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!