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Why Women and Men Should Not Compete

gender_symbolPicture a group of adults given a task to perform. Research has shown that, if one adult performs worse than his or her peers on that task, it will result in a loss of self-esteem. Furthermore, that person is likely to perform more poorly on that same task in the future.



Now put a group of four- to five-years old kids in the same situation. There is no affect on the child who didn’t perform as well as his or her peers.

So what do kids know that we adults have forgotten?
They think they can learn new tricks, they can adapt. We adults think that an old dog can’t be taught new tricks!

Kids also think they can try harder next time and make up the difference. Isn’t that a healthy attitude? So why don’t we think that as adults?

Have we been beat down too many times? Are we too hard on ourselves? Do we want to think that things should come easily for us?

Life will throw you curve bills. On the path to bigg success, there will be times when you try and you don’t succeed. It’s important to learn from your mistakes, but we often learn the wrong lesson.

Learn. Adapt. Then double your efforts.

Don’t compete with the opposite sex
A more recent study at the University of Michigan showed that kids can be affected by competition. Little girls respond negatively if a little boy does better on a task. Little boys respond likewise – there’s a damaging impact if a little girl does better.

So what can we conclude? Should we learn that women shouldn’t try to compete with men? Or that men shouldn’t try to compete with women?

See them as a role model, not competition
There will almost certainly always be somebody better. If not, maybe a good dose of humility is in order! But rather than comparing yourself to that person and getting discouraged, look at that person as a role model.

You are where you are. They are where you want to be. See what you can learn from them so you get to where they are.

Chances are they got started earlier. Chances are they’ve put more time in. Chances are they’ve gotten a few lucky breaks – the kind of luck that comes to people who put themselves out there and take calculated risks.

So don’t see them as competition; look at them as a role model.

Don’t compete with others at all

But there’s a higher order – a higher level of consciousness regarding comparisons. Here it is:

Don’t compete with anyone else – man, woman or beast!

Compete with yourself.

Find that thing you at which you excel. Then strive to improve a little bit every day – day after day, the “new you” competing against the “old you”.

Focus on making yourself the best competitor you could ever encounter! Have you ever noticed that a great competitor brings out the best in his or her opponents?

Become your own best competitor and you’ll be a bigg success!


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How to Get Out of the Dog House

dog_daysThis is the fourth show in our five-part Dog Days series. Sometimes, no matter how hard you might try, no matter how good you think you’re being, you still might find yourself in the dog house. So let’s talk about how to get out!



Accept being in the dog house

Depending on how much barking was done, and who did the barking, you may want to accept being in the dog house for a short period of time.

After a heated discussion, the best prescription may be a cooling off period. Just stay in the dog house until you and the other person are both calmed down. Then you can broach the subject again.

Puppy dog eyes

When you do broach the subject, be sure to flash your puppy dog eyes. Let them see how sad you are that you upset them. In other words, approach them with humility.

You won’t get very far if you come back from the dog house barking. In fact, you’re likely to end up right back there!

If you come back with humility, you’ll be more likely to have a productive conversation.

Lick their face!

Figuratively … not literally.

Start the conversation with two of the strongest words in relationship building:

“I’m sorry.”

You may not feel like you’ve done anything wrong. That doesn’t matter if you made the other person feel something they didn’t like.

It may have been unintentional. That doesn’t matter either. It still happened.

Apologize for making them feel that way. Then ask questions so you can avoid the dog house in the future. At least for this offense!

If they start barking …

Don’t make them defensive. If they start barking, step back a bit. Usually not much gets accomplished if everyone involved is barking. So take a step back mentally – even physically, if it helps – and try again.

It’s amazing how productive a conversation can be when no one cares who was at fault. You can’t control the other person. You can only control yourself.

So don’t reflect blame right back. Try to reword it in a way that is more conducive to taking the relationship forward.

Try not to use the word “you” in a negative way. Look at two ways the same thing can be stated:

“You said blah.”

“When blah was said, it made me feel …”

Which one would make you more defensive? Obviously the second one keeps the conversation moving forward.

Oh … just one final point … when you do finally get out of the dog house, be sure to wag your tail!


Get the tips and tools you need to be a BIGG success.
Subscribe to the Bigg Success Weekly – it’s FREE!


We thank you so much for the gift of your time today.

Please join us next time as we look at what it takes to be a bigg dog. Until then, here’s to your bigg success!


Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:

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