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When Life on Your Own Terms Creates Conflict

problematic.jpgBigg success is life on your own terms. We recently talked about how empowering it is to define your terms.

We got a great comment by Andrew R. Timms about this. He says, “… just because we decide on our terms doesn’t mean the rest of the world is going to agree or accept them.”___

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Andrew raises a very good point. It’s something we need to keep in mind as we seek bigg success

What do you do if life on your own terms creates conflict with the people around you?

Andrew goes on to say that, in some cases, a person may think that your terms are keeping them from living their life on their terms. He suggests that we assume that they’re right! Then we’re at least common ground. Now with that in mind, we can explore solutions that work for both of us.

That’s an excellent suggestion. It’s Stephen Covey’s “Seek first to understand.” We have a personal example of this.

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marylynnBefore we were married, we both talked about our career goals. I was in radio and life on my own terms meant growing as a broadcaster and sharing my talent with more and more people. That meant moving to a larger market.

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georgeI was in business for myself and teaching part-time at our local University. I loved what I did, but my businesses were here as was my part-time gig. Life on my own terms meant growing without moving.

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marylynnThese weren’t the only factors at play, but they were definitely part of the equation.

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george
So we had conflicting terms and we started looking for solutions.

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marylynnThat’s when the idea for Bigg Success came up. It allowed me to broadcast to the largest audience I could imagine – the whole world!

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georgeIt allowed me to expand my business without moving. The conflict forced us to work together to find a solution. Because of that, we both found a better opportunity than we would have had otherwise. That’s synergy!

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What if you can’t find common ground?

We were able to find a solution that allowed both of us to live our lives on our own terms. But what if we weren’t able to do that?

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marylynn

Let’s say I was determined to stick with radio.

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georgeEarlier, we alluded to the fact that there were other factors at play in how we got to Bigg Success. And Mary-Lynn, I think what you saw in the future of radio is one of those factors.

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marylynnYeah, the industry was, and is, going through some significant changes. I felt like there was a lot less opportunity for me to really grow like I wanted to, if I stayed in the business. But let’s pretend that wasn’t the case. I would have had to move for my next bigg opportunity and, George, that would have meant a long-distance relationship for us.

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Life on your own terms isn’t idyllic

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georgeNow that’s not how either of us defines life on our own terms. But there’s an important point to understand here – life on your own terms isn’t idyllic. It involves setting priorities. A long-distance relationship may not be consistent with life on my own terms. But I’d rather do that than not have a relationship with you at all, Mary-Lynn.

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marylynnWe’d both be living life on our own terms, career-wise, but obviously not the way we would prefer in our personal lives. Sometimes you can’t have it all and you just have to accept that.

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It’s a timing problem

But here’s the key – we may have to accept it for now. In the meantime, we keep looking for solutions and opportunities that get us to our ideal life, to life on our own terms. In most cases, it’s a timing problem, not something we have to accept for our whole lives.

We’re talking about the closest of relationships here, the relationships on which you place the highest priority. In other relationships, the dynamic may change as a result of living your life on your own terms. You’re willing to accept that because you know you’re headed for bigg success!

What do you do when your terms conflict with others?

You can share that with us by leaving a comment below, calling us at 888.455.BIGG or sending us an e-mail at bigginfo@biggsuccess.com. Thanks Andrew for your thoughtful comment. And thank you for reading our post today.

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Would you like more tips and tools to live your life on your own terms?
Subscribe to the Bigg Success Weekly – it’s FREE!

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Join us next time as we help a member of our community who’s looking to get back into the workforce after an extended time off.

Until then, here’s to your bigg success!

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00368-040809.mp3

Related posts

Own Your Life

The Power of Defining Your Terms

The 5 Elements of Bigg Success

(Image in today's post by woodsy)

The Power of Defining Your Terms

life on your own termsLast time, we discussed a new paradigm for thinking about our lives: you are the entrepreneur in charge of running a very important enterprise – your life.

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Terms can inspire action

Our definition of bigg success – life on your own terms – explicitly recognizes that “terms” are important. Not just words, but words that matter. Words that empower us.

A single term can cut through the complexity of a subject and make it simple to understand. And therein lies the power of terms.

To create understanding and, from that understanding, actions to achieve bigg success.

Life on your own terms. What are those terms for you?

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georgeOne of the terms we use here at Bigg Success is goal-getter. I love that word. It combines go-getter with goal-getting. So it’s a powerful word to me that implies movement toward what I want to achieve.

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Terms can limit us

Like many things, terms can also work against us. They can limit what we achieve.

We can define ourselves too small. We can view our businesses too tightly. We may see our careers too narrowly.

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marylynnFor example, I defined myself for years as a radio DJ. That’s what I was and that’s what I was known as. But when I started using the term “broadcaster”, I could see a bigger picture and new possibilities. I am now a “broadcaster” who happens to use the internet as my medium.

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With terms, we can also magnify our shortcomings and minimize our strengths. It’s so easy to do.

Your terms are unique

Notice that we define bigg success as life on your own terms.

Your terms are not my terms. They are uniquely yours.

Your terms have the power to inspire you to bigg success.

To lift you up when you’re down.

To push you even higher when you’re up.

Terms as time frames

There’s another meaning to the “terms” of life on your own terms. We think of school terms – a semester, for instance.

It’s valuable to think about “terms” in terms of time. In other words, as phases. To achieve the bigg success we dream of, we will set our goals in time frames.

For example, say you want to be the best attorney in your area. That’s your end goal.

In the first term, your goal may be to complete your undergraduate degree.

Term 2 – get your law degree. Term 3 – pass the bar. And so on.

You break up your long-term goal into terms – time frames – to make sure you stay on track to reach bigg success. 

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Would you like more tips and tools to live your life on your own terms?
Subscribe to the Bigg Success Weekly – it’s FREE!

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The terms of the deal

See how rich a single term can be? But we’re not through yet!

There are two primary factors in any deal – the price and the terms. There’s a basic negotiating principle:

You get to pick the price or the terms, but not both.

If you ever get to pick both, you better get a great deal!

Do you see the implication of that principle to bigg success? If you set the terms, bigg success sets the price.

The higher the level of success you seek, the higher the price will be. You must be willing to pay that price or you can’t – you won’t – be able to live your life on your own terms.

There’s a story about an amateur golfer who approached a famous golfer. We believe it was Tom Watson. The story goes something like this …

The amateur said, “I’d give anything to drive a golf ball the way you do.”

Tom Watson said, “No, you wouldn’t.”

The amateur said, “Yes, I would.”

After several more rounds of this, the pro decided to let the amateur in on his secret.

Tom Watson finally said, “I learned to drive the ball the way I do by going to the range every morning and driving a bucket of balls. When that bucket was empty, I drove another one. And another one.”

The pro continued, “I drove balls until I could feel blisters forming on my hands. And do you know what I did then? I kept driving balls. Before long, my hands were bleeding. So I drove another bucket of balls. Day after day, week after week, I drove balls in spite of the pain. Eventually, my hands were full of callouses. That’s how I learned to drive the golf ball the way I do.”

So if you want to drive golf balls like a pro, there’s your price. You set the terms, but then you must pay the price to reach bigg success.

It’s worth it because it’s what you want. By the way, there is also a price to pay for not living your life on your own terms. We think that price is higher!

Share your terms

So what are your terms? What does life on your own terms mean to you?

And what terms inspire you?

You can share that with us by leaving a comment below, calling us at 888.455.BIGG or sending us an e-mail at bigginfo@biggsuccess.com.

We want to highlight the members of our community and their stories. In those stories, in our terms, is information and inspiration for all of us. So we all reach bigg success even faster!

Thanks so much for reading our post today.

Join us next time as we continue diving deeper into life on your own terms. We’ll talk about five very special terms – the five elements of bigg success.

Until then, here’s to your bigg success! 

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/biggsuccess/00358-032509.mp3

Related posts

What is Bigg Success?

Own Your Life

The 5 Elements of Bigg Success

The Bigg Idea Behind Bigg Success

How to Know if You’re Persistent or Stubborn

balancingToday’s discussion was inspired by a great post on the pitfalls of persistence, written by Michael Bailey of Mobasoft.

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george When Mary-Lynn first started brought this post up, I thought she was asking me if she was persistent … or stubborn. Now I do have an opinion on that!

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marylynn I have an opinion on George, too … so we decided to keep our opinions to ourselves.

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Michael asks if there is a difference between persistence and perseverance.

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marylynn I think there is – if things are working the way that you want them to, you have to be persistent with what’s making things work to persevere. Now, if things aren’t working out the way you want them to, then you have to change your course to persevere. So you can’t be persistent in the wrong thing.

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georgeI think it’s a matter of semantics. As a matter of fact, they are synonyms. I can respect the fine line that Mary-Lynn is drawing. But I’m going to be stubborn and stick with my original comment – they are one and the same.

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marylynn See, George just admitted that he’s stubborn! I agree that if you look it up, they are synonyms. But I equate persistence with action and perseverance with a destination.

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georgeSee how stubborn Mary-Lynn can be! And I was being persistent before. Mary-Lynn’s last comment is consistent with Seth Godin’s definition. Only he uses the word “persistence” instead of “perseverance.” He said, “Persistence isn’t using the same tactics over and over. That’s just annoying. Persistence is having the same goal over and over.”

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marylynn That’s interesting. Here’s an example – when I was in radio, I was very persistent about doing whatever I could to grow as a broadcaster.

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georgeSome might call it stubborn.

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marylynn But I got to the point, with my job, where I knew I couldn’t persevere. I had gone as far as it could take me. So I decided to walk away and start Bigg Success with George – I can still persist, grow, and learn more things, plus I can persevere on my own terms.

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One of the definitions of persistence, straight from Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary, is stubbornness. If you keep running into a wall, you have to ask yourself if you’re being persistent or stubborn. Michael refers to it as “blind persistence.”

2 questions to ask with your end goal in mind

  • Am I doing the wrong thing?
    If this is the case, persisting is just plain stubbornness. Of course, it’s not always that clear-cut. You may have invested a lot of time and money into a project, a direction, or a business. But it’s not working. You don’t want to give up so you just keep trying. Try to determine if it can work by honestly assessing why it’s not working. 
  • Am I doing the right thing in the wrong way?
    You may be doing the right things to reach your end goal, but you haven’t mastered the right techniques to advance toward your goal. In this case, you must persist … but change your methods.What do you think?

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed. 

Related posts

The One Ingredient That Guarantees Your Success

Abandon Ship! 

(Image by stevefaeembra,CC 2.0)

How to Know if You're Persistent or Stubborn

balancingToday’s discussion was inspired by a great post on the pitfalls of persistence, written by Michael Bailey of Mobasoft.

.

.

.

george When Mary-Lynn first started brought this post up, I thought she was asking me if she was persistent … or stubborn. Now I do have an opinion on that!

.

marylynn I have an opinion on George, too … so we decided to keep our opinions to ourselves.

.

.

Michael asks if there is a difference between persistence and perseverance.

.

marylynn I think there is – if things are working the way that you want them to, you have to be persistent with what’s making things work to persevere. Now, if things aren’t working out the way you want them to, then you have to change your course to persevere. So you can’t be persistent in the wrong thing.

.

georgeI think it’s a matter of semantics. As a matter of fact, they are synonyms. I can respect the fine line that Mary-Lynn is drawing. But I’m going to be stubborn and stick with my original comment – they are one and the same.

.

marylynn See, George just admitted that he’s stubborn! I agree that if you look it up, they are synonyms. But I equate persistence with action and perseverance with a destination.

.

georgeSee how stubborn Mary-Lynn can be! And I was being persistent before. Mary-Lynn’s last comment is consistent with Seth Godin’s definition. Only he uses the word “persistence” instead of “perseverance.” He said, “Persistence isn’t using the same tactics over and over. That’s just annoying. Persistence is having the same goal over and over.”

.

marylynn That’s interesting. Here’s an example – when I was in radio, I was very persistent about doing whatever I could to grow as a broadcaster.

.

georgeSome might call it stubborn.

.

.

marylynn But I got to the point, with my job, where I knew I couldn’t persevere. I had gone as far as it could take me. So I decided to walk away and start Bigg Success with George – I can still persist, grow, and learn more things, plus I can persevere on my own terms.

.

One of the definitions of persistence, straight from Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary, is stubbornness. If you keep running into a wall, you have to ask yourself if you’re being persistent or stubborn. Michael refers to it as “blind persistence.”

2 questions to ask with your end goal in mind

  • Am I doing the wrong thing?
    If this is the case, persisting is just plain stubbornness. Of course, it’s not always that clear-cut. You may have invested a lot of time and money into a project, a direction, or a business. But it’s not working. You don’t want to give up so you just keep trying. Try to determine if it can work by honestly assessing why it’s not working. 
  • Am I doing the right thing in the wrong way?
    You may be doing the right things to reach your end goal, but you haven’t mastered the right techniques to advance toward your goal. In this case, you must persist … but change your methods.What do you think?

Subscribe to The Bigg Success Show in iTunes. 

Subscribe to the Bigg Success feed. 

Related posts

The One Ingredient That Guarantees Your Success

Abandon Ship! 

(Image by stevefaeembra,CC 2.0)