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How Too Much Communication Killed a Relationship

Communication that hurts relationships | BIGG SuccessHe had always been proud to call her his bride. But now things were different. She was different.

He knew it hadn’t happened overnight. But it seemed like it did. He began to notice it with little things.

He would ask a question. She wouldn’t respond.

He cracked a joke. She didn’t laugh.

They would go out for dinner. He talked about his day. She seemed bored.

He asked her about her day. She didn’t have much to say.

Her mind always seemed to be somewhere else. And then he started to understand the source of the problem.

She had begun seeking solace from another. An outsider had intruded into their relationship.

This outsider was a force to be reckoned with. It was evident in the changes he could see in her.

They had always said that nothing could ever come between them. Now this one was.

It all seemed so innocent…at first. She had introduced him to this outsider. He was glad that she had this source of support. He could see how happy she was playing with this one.

But now she was smitten. Almost all of her attention was reserved for this “thing”. He couldn’t think of “it” as human but she sure did.

“How much time does she need to spend communicating with it?” he wondered. “Why is she so fascinated?”

This thing was ever present. Every day. In the evening. Even on the weekends. She always had time for it.

“Maybe I’m the third party,” he thought, feeling sorry for himself. No, he was just coming to terms with reality.

She made him feel less important than that thing she had fallen in love with. He felt alone.

At times, he was angry. On other occasions, he felt hurt, dejected, rejected.

But little did he know, it was about to get worse for him. One night, he had to work late.

He got home, stopped and looked at the mail, and then wandered over to the refrigerator. She had told him she would have a plate for him to heat up.

He opened the door and looked in. No plate.

He looked around. Maybe plans had changed. Had she left a note.

No note anywhere. No nothing.

He walked toward their bedroom. He didn’t know that his world was about to fall apart.

As he gazed through the open door, she was asleep in bed. But she wasn’t alone.

She was snuggled up with the thing – her smartphone!

Do you sleep with your smartphone?

(Inspired by Sleeping With Your Smartphone by Leslie Perlow)

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Do You Treat Your Customers Like a Lover or a Spouse?

abandoned loveHe stood at the bar, surrounded by people…yet all alone.

Music. Talk. Laughter. A blender. Noise. He was aware of them all but his thoughts were even louder.

Why did she leave me? Why doesn’t she love me anymore?

She used to be his biggest fan. She used to tell him so.

And she never stopped telling others how much she loved him. She said so…on Facebook and Twitter and in real life.

Listen to the audio version of this story. Click the player to hear it on The BIGG Success Show podcast.

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When they first got together, people said they were a perfect match. He looked out for her needs. He took care of her. His passion was visible to everyone.

But over time, he began to take her for granted. He thought she would always stick with him. She would always be a fan.

She would catch him looking at others. At first it was just a glance. But the glances showed more interest as time went by. He didn’t think she noticed; he was wrong.

She also noticed that he didn’t look out for her like he used to. He just didn’t seem to care as much.

The passion was gone. But she wondered if he still loved her.

He seemed more distant. It seemed like he found others more interesting than her.

It used to be just the opposite. No one was like her. He was devoted to her. But now it had come to this.

She couldn’t take it anymore. She left him.

She started buying from his competitor.

His competitor shows the same kind of passion for her that he used to show. She hopes this relationship lasts.

It’s complicated…but if it works out, she’ll talk about him on Facebook and Twitter and everywhere else she can.

Direct link to The Bigg Success Show audio file | podcast:
http://traffic.libsyn.com/biggsuccess/00689-041411.mp3

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Do Women Fail to Take Advantage of Their Advantages?

woman_silhouetteA friend of ours was going through a career change. We had an interesting conversation with her in the midst of it.

She had applied for a job. She had a connection who knew the CEO at the company, personally and professionally.

Her connection was a former supervisor, who thought highly of her. He had already written her a glowing letter of recommendation. But he said that he was willing to personally call the CEO on her behalf.

 Our friend declined. She said she felt like she would be taking advantage of her relationship with her supervisor. She also said that she wanted to get the job on her own, without playing to her advantages.

We said playing to your advantages helps you get ahead in your career and your life. What good is an advantage if you don’t use it?

This story has a happy ending. She did get the job so maybe she was right. It’s a great example of life on your own terms.

But we think she took a BIGG risk that could have been avoided. What do you think? Is this a male/female thing? Would a man have responded differently to the supervisor? Do women fail to capitalize on their advantages?

Image in this post from katagaci

Before Going into Business with Friends, Consider These 8 Scenerios

One thing people often don't think about when going into business with a friend is the relationship itself. You’re going into business as friends. You want to remain friends.

Business is full of surprises. Discuss the possible surprises upfront, before you mix friendship and business, so you can keep your relationship strong while you’re in business.

You may think your friendship is really strong … and you’re probably right. But when you go into business together, your friendship will be tested more than it ever has been before. It’s wise to prepare for it beforehand, so you already have a lot of the answers when you’re in the middle of a tough situation.

Look at it this way – a business partnership is like a marriage. You need a pre-nuptial agreement! So find a good attorney to draw up an agreement for you.

8 “What if …” scenarios to discuss with your attorney

#1 – What if the business fails?
According to statistics, if the business fails, it’s most likely that no one will be owed any money. But what if that’s not the case – what if the business does owe money? How will you resolve that?

#2 – What if it succeeds wildly?
That may not sound like a problem, but you’d be surprised. Sometimes when a business succeeds at this level, greed enters in. Then comes the power struggles. Discuss the dream scenario upfront to avoid a nightmare.

#3 – What if one of you is incapacitated?
What if one partner is no longer able to do his or her part? How will the others handle this? Will this person get bought out? Is there formula for the price? There’s a lot to think about if this unfortunate situation happens.

#4 – What if one of you dies?
Obviously this is even more extreme than the last scenario. There’s the human side – your friend has passed and you’re grieving. But you also have business to attend to; work still needs to get done.

Many of the same questions from Scenario #3 apply here. But there’s more. For example, does the deceased partner’s family now have an ownership stake? Or do you buy them out?

#5 – What happens when one of you gets married?
Or you may already be married. What say does the spouse have in the business? Can the partner’s interest be jointly owned with a spouse or do you want to restrict ownership to your original group?

#6 – What if one of you gets divorced?
The business interest may be a significant asset. You probably don’t want a former spouse having a say in your business – even as a minority stakeholder. It can really muddy the waters, as the saying goes. What restrictions will you place on ownership?

#7 – What if one of you wants out?
How will you determine a price? What kind of notice will you require? What is the process?

#8 – What if one of isn’t pulling his or her weight?
How will you determine that this is case? What can, and will, you do about it?

These aren’t pleasant things to think about, let alone talk about. However, you’re more likely to find good solutions now when you’re thinking logically than to try to work them out in the heat of the moment.

We can’t stress this enough – get a good business attorney.
Then sit down with your partners and your attorney and work through these issues. Your attorney will probably have even more situations to discuss. Work through these issues before you start – for the sake of your friendship … and your business.

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Are They Hearing What You Are Saying?

On the show, George recalled a teacher who made him write a report on what he wanted to be when he grew up. This was junior high; George didn’t know what he wanted to be. Maybe a major league baseball player?

So he did his report on being a bricklayer. His dad was a bricklayer, with his own business. When his teacher saw the title of his report, she said, “You mean with your brain, you’re going to be a bricklayer?”

George could have taken that comment as an insult about his dad. But his dad was good with his hands and his head. He said he did initially think that he wouldn’t get a good grade. But over time, her comment resonated with him. It helped him, as a young person, be more confident in his mental ability.

4 ways to get a message across
The statement and the delivery are both important parts of communicating a message. You can’t necessarily control what your message is, but you can control how you deliver it.

#1 – Negative statement, negative delivery
Without question, this is the worst way to communicate a message. If someone says something negative to you, in a negative way, they lose a lot. You’re not going to feel better. The relationship won’t be enhanced. You may get defensive or even angry.

"Speak when you are angry – and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
Dr. Laurence Peter


#2 – Negative statement, positive delivery

Sometimes the message isn’t positive, but we still need to get the message across. How you say it becomes incredibly important. A good example might be Donald Trump on The Apprentice. He’s said things like, “I love you; I think you’re a great guy, but you’re fired.”

Negative messages have to be delivered. However, you can choose to frame them in a positive way.

#3 – Positive statement, negative delivery
You risk diminishing the real message you’re trying to get across when you have negative overtures. George took away a positive from his teacher’s comment, but he could have just been insulted. 

#4 – Positive statement, positive delivery
Obviously, this is how you want to frame as much of your communication as you possibly can. This draws people to you.

How you respond to messages
You also can control how you respond to other people’s messages, no matter how they deliver it. Let’s take the worst one. Someone may hit you with a negative statement and deliver it in a negative way.

Pause before you respond. The conversation can go into a tailspin and be completely unproductive or you may be able to turn it around with the right response.

And we can be inspired, no matter what the message is or how it’s delivered. We have a friend who remembers being told that he was too small to make the high school football team. That “negative, negative” inspired him to go for it. Not only did he make the team, but he was a starter!

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